Gardening in High Heels

cultivate a beautiful life

Stop Shoulding, Part 2

Today’s Blogger, May I prompt is this time last year.  Perfect timing to bring up about a year ago when I went to TEDxGrandviewAve (now TEDxPittsburgh!) and heard Britt Reints talk about “shoulding on yourself” and wrote a long, gushing post about how awesome she is and how right she is about that.  If you remember, that’s awesome and I love you and you’re my people.  If you don’t, catch up here.

Okay, back with me?

I’m getting very tired of people telling me what I should do.  I want to yell at them and say, “You don’t get to tell me what I ‘should’ do because you don’t know my situation.”

By telling someone, “You should totally [fill in the blank],” you’re imposing your goals and values on someone else.  You have no idea what you’re talking about.

You know that quote, “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about,” or some variation thereof?  Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m referencing here.

Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a battle which you know nothing about. #quotes

I was thinking the other day that I will fundamentally not understand so many things.  I will never know what it’s like to be someone’s sister, to grow up in Texas, to be out on the street, to grow up without a dad.

So I have no right telling someone, “This is what you should do.”  I can offer advice, encouragement, and support, but not impose my beliefs on them.  Because my life that I bring to the table doesn’t at all reflect your life.  Sure, it can be similar, but we all have great experiences that are unique to us.

As such, I’ve been watching what I’m saying lately and trying to replace “should” with other words.  I was talking to Jonathan about work woes and I expressly said, “I’m not saying this is what you ‘should’ do, this is just what I’m thinking is a possible option.”

I love helping people and hearing them out, but I can’t tell them what to do anymore than they can tell me what I should do.

So what do you think?


 Need the prompts for the Blogger, May I challenge?  Gotcha covered.  Want to use your own prompts?  No problem!  Just grab a button to show that you’re linking up with myself, Katy, and Meghan.  Oh, and use #BloggerMayI on Twitter/Instagram to keep the fun going even after you hit Publish!

Sunday Lately, 17

I really need to stop writing posts when I’m frustrated.  I think that’s why I always start these Sunday Lately posts with “OMG THIS WEEK HAS BEEN AWFUL!”  This weekend, I’m going to Baltimore with Jonathan and very much looking forward do it.  So instead of saying. “ZOMG this week suckeddddd,” I’m going to say, “This weekend is awesome.”

What have you been up to lately? This is week 14 of Sunday Lately link up with Katy, Meghan, and Nicole!

Doing

Packing, buying presents for baby showers and mamas-to-be, figuring out what to get my dad for his birthday, making lists, writing beer blog posts….so much doing.

Appreciating

Sunshine.  Seriously.  There are some times when I crave thunderstorms and to curl up on the back porch listening to the rain on the roof (or curled up in bed), watching a comfort-movie or reading.  But this week, I seriously need a dose of happy that comes from sunshine.

By the way, what was with the snow this week, Mother Nature?  I did not appreciate that.

Designing

Say it with me, folks….an update to this site!  Did you say it with me?  Was it with a game-show level of enthusiasm?  Good.

But seriously, I’m trying to design some organization for my office using things I already have.  I can do it, but the problem is that I don’t have the materials all in the room I need them.  Some are still in my father’s house.  Others are upstairs in my house and it’s only me, so getting a desk downstairs is a little tricky.

Humming

Remember last time when I was like, “OMG my coworker sings bits of songs and when I finally get them out of my head, she starts up again?”  Wellllll, it’s happening again!

“Sug-ah.  Yes, please.”  Ugh.  Make.it.stop.

Expecting

A visit from my mom in two weeks!  And the Pittsburgh Half Marathon in one.  (Shameless plug: have you seen my recent posts about running here and here?)

I’m expecting to finish this half marathon because I know I can.  Usually by now, I’ve had a few rough runs and I’m totally and completely in the mindset of, “How the EFF am I supposed to do run 13.1 miles when I can barely cover three?!” but I’m not feeling like that this year and it’s a very good feeling.

What were you up to lately this week?

Five questions (plus six more)

If you don’t know who Emily Cassel is, you really should.  She’s all about taking your passions and making them into your job.  You’d think the market would be saturated with that by now, but it isn’t!  I’ve been loving her blog for gentle-yet-no-BS inspiration and I found something fun.

She was nominated for not one but two Liebster awards.  Emily wrote a post and asked for her readers to respond with answers to her questions.  So naturally, I just had to write my own post answering them.

No, she didn’t nominate me nor am I claiming I was nominated for this award.  I’m just responding and sharing a little more about myself. (Who doesn’t want more Angelica?)  Think of it as, “If we were having a drink together, here’s what I’d tell you…”

If we were having a drink together.... #askmeanything

What is your favorite place you’ve ever visited in the world & why?

My mom’s kitchen, hands down.  It’s always warm and smells great.  It’s totally one of my happy places.  I haven’t seen her since Thanksgiving and I’m totally missing her cooking.  And her dog.  Clipper is the best.

Who is the most inspiring person in your life right now?

I’d have to say my best friend.  She’s graduating with her masters in a few weeks and then getting the hell out of Pittsburgh.  D has known for ages that she isn’t staying here; in the past, she didn’t know where she’s going or how she’s doing it, just that she is.

I’m happy to say, she has a plan now, though.  I so admire that courage to leave what you know for something different.

If you could choose only 3 foods to subsist on for the rest of your life, what would they be?

Barring the fact that they aren’t nutritionally sound at all….. Anything from a Pittsburgh food truck (definitely Oh My Grill‘s sandwiches, Steer and Wheel‘s burgers, and Leona’s ice cream sandwiches), my mom’s homemade pierogis, and cinnamon rolls.

Ooh, and good beers.  And pie.  I can’t decide.  If only I were Leslie Knope and I could answer, “Waffles, waffles, and waffles.”

I think that covers most bases, right?

What is your dream career? If you already have your dream career, what’s your alternate dream career?

Writing.  I’d write all day in cute coffee shops, on my back pork with a glass of wine or beer, curled up on the couch with a blanket and coffee.  I’m getting there.

What’s your favorite/most-played song at the moment?

I’m sooo sick of everything on the radio.  That said, I discovered The Griswolds last summer and still can’t stop listening to them.  And anything Fitz & the Tantrums always gets me going.  And y’all know Anberlin is hands down my favorite band ever.

What do you purely because it brings you joy?

Sleep.  Kidding.  I love making things tidy.  Weird right?  Especially since my house is kind of a disaster.

I also love creating things just because I want to, not because I have to write a post on it or I signed up for a class.  Just sitting down to make something and not knowing exactly how it will turn out is fun.

If you could choose one responsibility in your career or life to eliminate, what would it be and why?

Making decisions.  I hate making decisions.  I also am not a fan of customer service, but that’s kind of my whole job, so I can’t really eliminate that.

If you could choose one super power, what would it be and how would you use it?

I’m so torn between flying and making time stop.  Or turning everything into ice cream.

I’m sure if you asked me a few years ago, I’d say turning back time or reading minds.  I’m happy to say I’m more confident now, so I don’t think I’d need those super powers anymore.

What’s your favorite room in your house?

My entire house is kind of in transition.  I think the winner goes to the kitchen.  It’s the most complete of all of the rooms and my mom installed seriously awesome appliances before she left.  I LOVE my stove/oven.  Gas stove with a convection oven and warming drawer/mini oven in the bottom.  It’s a baker’s paradise.

Post your favorite photo of yourself and tell us the backstory. Do you remember what you were thinking, doing, or experiencing that day?

I scrolled through some photos but I really don’t take pictures of myself, so I didn’t see much I wanted to share.  Sorry, guys.  I still love the photo here with the duck (and Jonathan) though.

I think it’s the stigma attached to “selfie.”  Ugh I hate that work.  I used to take pictures all the time with me and my best friend just being goofy and making silly faces, but we haven’t taken a single picture of us since she’s been home.

What’s your go-to order at a coffee shop?

It depends where I am, but 99% of the time, I’ll get regular coffee.  I’ve been going to Coffee Buddha a lot more recently (it’s another one of my happy places) and I usually just get regular coffee but an iced coffee with Vietnamese Spice syrup is so refreshing for summer and their Peanut Buddha latte rocks, too.

So tell me about yourself today. Pick one of these questions (or all 11) and answer in the comments!

Oh!  If you have burning questions you want me to answer in a future Ask Me Anything series, leave them below, too!

Half marathon prep

As I mentioned last week, I’m running in my fifth half marathon on May 3rd.  It’s definitely an intimidating undertaking, especially if you have no idea what you’re doing.  The first half marathon I ran was in Williamsport, PA, and it was a benefit for ovarian cancer.  I prepared as best as I knew how, aka: I ran a lot.

And then race day came.  Now, I don’t know if many of you have visited Williamsport or any area in PA, but it’s all basically just one big hill.  I was feeling great going down, but the back half was all up.  And it sucked.  I walked most of the back end because I couldn’t run up a hill for 6 miles straight.

The first time I did the Pittsburgh Half Marathon, I took my aunt’s bib because she hurt herself in training.  It was in February and the race was in May.  I again did the best I could, but it was still hard because I didn’t know what I was stepping in to and vastly different than in Williamsport.  It almost felt like my first half marathon again.

Five things I wish I knew before I ran in my first half marathon. #gameonPGH #running

So, in my best effort to impart the wisdom I wish I had known, I give you five things I wish I would have known before I ran my first half marathon.

1. Your toe nails will probably abandon you.

I wasn’t ready for this one.  I got blisters under my nails and it damaged the nail bed.  And there went a few toe nails.  Yep, it’s gross, but at least it doesn’t hurt.

The best advice I have for you is to find shoes that don’t rub and are held securely to your foot.  I like this post to help identify different ties for your shoes based on your shoe woe.  Socks also make a big difference.  I like good ol’ Hanes socks.

2. Take the solar blanket.

I didn’t do this after my first run in Pittsburgh because I didn’t have this option in Williamsport so I didn’t know how necessary it was.  It felt like I was almost in shock after the run.  This really helped the next time to gently regulate my temperature.

3. You will probably shit yourself.

It ain’t fun to talk about, but let’s get real here.  I don’t know why or how to prevent this (although I did take some Immodium before the run last year, which made a difference).

I didn’t even know this happened until my mom asked me in hushed tones, “So…did you…crap your pants?”

I didn’t, but I realllllllly had to go soon after stopping.  So just be prepared for that.

4. Eat the gummy worms.

Another point from the Pittsburgh half that I didn’t know the first time.  Around mile 8, they hand out gummy worms.  Take the gummy worms (or power bars or gel or whatever).  It really helps to give you a boost.

5. Have someone waiting for you at the finish.

It’s nice to have people cheering along the course, but it’s really nice to have someone you know waiting for you.  Or running right beside you like Jonathan and I did last year.

Either way, it really helps motivate you when you have someone waiting for you at the end to congratulate you and be amazed that you ran that far.

Bonus!

Bring another change of clothes.  I needed to get out of the cold, sweaty clothes I was in.  Bring a change of pants, shirt, and socks.  It feels so great to get out of your running shoes, trust me.

A woman I worked with told me this one: drink water the first half, then switch to Gatorade.  Your body really doesn’t need a boost of electrolytes after 3 miles, but it sure could use some water.

Another woman I worked with shared this with me: hills are easy for short people to climb.  Our little legs don’t have to lift up as high to clear the road as you tall people.  It makes me feel good going uphill, even if it’s a placebo effect.

Have you run a marathon (or a half or even a 5k)?  What are you best tips?

What no one tells you about running

Running sucks. #SeriouslyThough

I could probably stop there.  I started to write this in my head in the middle of a run on Tuesday and that’s how I was feeling.

#BlogPostsAlwaysComeToMeWhenIDontHavePaper

What no one tells you about running. #training #marathon #running

In case you missed all my bitching about hospitals and moving, it’s been a little tricky to find time to train for the marathon (that’s just the Pittsburgh Marathon Half, I’m not going crazy here).  I’m getting off my ass and doing it, though. #Finally

Now, I’m not a physical therapist, nurse, pro athlete, coach, or licensed to give advice, so don’t take this as be-all end-all medical knowledge.  It’s just what I know.  And this will be my 5th total half marathon, so I kinda know what I’m talking about in terms of myself and my body.

What I know about running is that it’s hard.  No one tells you how hard it is to get up and get moving.  An object a rest, #amirite?  There are some days when I just feel like I had the best workout ever and there are some days when it’s struggle city and I just want to turn around and go home. #ButSeriously #CanIJustGoHomeNow

Despite the suckiness and the burning shins and the sore lungs, ya just do it.

I think the biggest thing that no one tells you about running is that it really makes you listen to your body.  When it isn’t feeling it, honor what it’s saying.  Hit your mile goal for the day, but be gentle on yourself. #DoWhatYouCanWithWhatYouHave

I used to get so upset if I couldn’t stand running more than three miles when I was trying to train.  Now I just go with it.  On Sunday, I ran for an hour and I hit six miles.  It felt great.  Tuesday during my lunch break, I only did three. #YeahIKnowONLYThree #sarcasm

Instead of beating myself up about only running three miles, I made a deal with myself.  I ran to the next stop sign and I said I could walk if I wanted to.  I didn’t feel like I needed it, so I ran to the next stop sign.  And repeat.

Running is also a very mentally challenging sport.  Running 13.3 miles is a physical challenge for sure, but you have to believe you can do it.  The phrase “mind over matter” is so incredibly true.  I can’t emphasize it enough.  You have to be really assured that you can do it, even if you’re doubting it.  #DontLetYourselfSmellYourOwnFear

And you’re with yourself for 13.3 miles.  That’s a little longer than two hours.  If you’re telling yourself, “OMG I’M GOING TO DIE,” chances are, you aren’t doing very well.  Don’t listen to those crazy voices in your head! #LifeAdvice

When I started running, I wish I would have known that it was okay to have off days (#AsLongAsYouGetOutsideYoureAhead) and that it’s really hard to do when your mind isn’t working with your body.

Another thing no one tells you about running is that you’ll probably lose a toe nail or two and you really need to have a bee-line to a restroom when you’re done.   But more on that later.

Are you a runner? What’s something no one told you that you wish you knew?

#Hashtaghumpday @ Life with Lolo

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