How many times do we need to hear that no one else has it figured out either? If you’re like me, about as many times as you need to hear, “No, nachos aren’t an acceptable dinner.” That kind of negativity is just not welcome here right now.
We know that’s true — and we also can’t stop / won’t stop eating the nachos.
I need to remind myself almost daily that no one has it figured out. This quarantine / virus / fearful time is rich with comparison traps and the constant messages we’re getting pull us into that kind of thinking. We see something and, whether we want it or not, decide we aren’t worthy to have it.
“I’ll never sing like her. I should give up.”
“My Instagram feed looks like junk. I don’t want to do the all-white all-the-time aesthetic. I don’t fit in. I should give up.”
“I’ll never be at that level of business. I should give up.”
“I like to drink wine more than I want to look like that person. And how do they still have abs right now? I’m growing and getting squishy. I should give up.”
And that’s just like… 30 seconds of comparison thoughts.
We do it all the time. We always see what others have (a perfect Cali beach house, abs AND nachos, insane sales) and decide we can never possibly do that, too. So, we assume it can happen for other people, but not for us. Never for us. Let’s just give up.
I read in Amy Poehler’s book that she’s adopted this phrase: Good for her, not for me.
It’s so useful when I start comparing. I ask myself if I even want what she’s having. Then, if no, I can say, “Good for her, not for me.”
Because, really, we’re able to convince ourselves that we want to be song-bird billionaires who can live off of wine and chocolate and still perform well, EVEN IF we don’t want that after all.
While we see “the things,” and think we want them, what we really want are the emotions those “things” evoke: success, joy, peace, nachos. (Yes, nachos is an emotion. I will stand by that proudly when questioned.)
So, how do we go from convincing ourselves we really do need the perfect Instagram feed to accepting that what we want is the image it conveys about the kind of person we are?
I don’t know. I think, and now I’m not sure because no one has talked about this much, the answer is to work on our mindset.
Taking a moment to realize that no one has it figured out and is doing life perfectly. And to decide that we are going to do what’s best for ourselves right now in this moment we are inhabiting. To not compare, to ask if we really want that or it’s activating us in some way, and to discover how we’re being activated.
To keep peeling the banana to see what that’s telling us about ourselves. Why do we assume we can never have it? What’s stopping us from getting it?
So many questions open up when you think a little bit deeper.
What say you? Are you willing to examine why you believe you can’t do that, too, or do you want to assume you’ll never have it so why even bother?