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Gardening in High Heels

cultivate a beautiful life

May 13, 2015

Stop Shoulding, Part 2

May 13, 2015

Today’s Blogger, May I prompt is this time last year.  Perfect timing to bring up about a year ago when I went to TEDxGrandviewAve (now TEDxPittsburgh!) and heard Britt Reints talk about “shoulding on yourself” and wrote a long, gushing post about how awesome she is and how right she is about that.  If you remember, that’s awesome and I love you and you’re my people.  If you don’t, catch up here.

Okay, back with me?

I’m getting very tired of people telling me what I should do.  I want to yell at them and say, “You don’t get to tell me what I ‘should’ do because you don’t know my situation.”

By telling someone, “You should totally [fill in the blank],” you’re imposing your goals and values on someone else.  You have no idea what you’re talking about.

You know that quote, “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about,” or some variation thereof?  Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m referencing here.

Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a battle which you know nothing about. #quotes

I was thinking the other day that I will fundamentally not understand so many things.  I will never know what it’s like to be someone’s sister, to grow up in Texas, to be out on the street, to grow up without a dad.

So I have no right telling someone, “This is what you should do.”  I can offer advice, encouragement, and support, but not impose my beliefs on them.  Because my life that I bring to the table doesn’t at all reflect your life.  Sure, it can be similar, but we all have great experiences that are unique to us.

As such, I’ve been watching what I’m saying lately and trying to replace “should” with other words.  I was talking to Jonathan about work woes and I expressly said, “I’m not saying this is what you ‘should’ do, this is just what I’m thinking is a possible option.”

I love helping people and hearing them out, but I can’t tell them what to do anymore than they can tell me what I should do.

So what do you think?

An InLinkz Link-up


 Need the prompts for the Blogger, May I challenge?  Gotcha covered.  Want to use your own prompts?  No problem!  Just grab a button to show that you’re linking up with myself, Katy, and Meghan.  Oh, and use #BloggerMayI on Twitter/Instagram to keep the fun going even after you hit Publish!

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1 Comment · Labels: Blogger May I, Just a Thought Tagged: advice, blogger may i, britt reints, pittsburgh, should, tedx

April 28, 2014

The post in which I fangirl about Britt Reints at #TEDxGrandviewAve

April 28, 2014

I went to TEDxGrandviewAve on Saturday.  The theme, Dare To Create, resonates with me, of course.  I loved hearing how people create from different backgrounds and disciplines; a computer programer is just as creative as an artist, just in a different way.  Most of all, I loved hearing Britt Reints of In Pursuit of Happiness speak.  When I purchased the tickets, I did so simply because of her promo view.  She told a story about a dog her family had when she was a kid.  This dog figured out that if he ran through the electric fence, it would only hurt for a bit, and then he would be free.  Um, doesn’t that make everyone go, “Yes, I want to run free and happy, to0”?

TEDxGrandivewAve Program

Since then, I’ve had the opportunity to talk with Britt briefly at Propelle and Creative Mornings sessions.  I have to say, I think she’s just about the coolest person ever.  Someone offering to sit down and chat about writing because of something you said a month before?  Yeah, pretty badass (and more importantly) generous.  I’m crossing the line of “I feel like I know you personally because I’ve heard you speak and read your blog and your tweets and know about your life but really we’re barely acquaintances,” so on to my point.

Britt’s talk was about creating an owner’s manual for yourself and guiding yourself to happiness through learning to trust yourself.  A big part of that trust is first to stop shoulding on yourself.  Ask yourself why you should do something and don’t do it if it’s not something that you want to do.  Listen to what you need.  And do the things that make you happy to do them.  I did it and it helped.

On Friday, I was weeding and clearing flower beds, absolutely hating it because I should be doing it.  I didn’t want to do it, but I didn’t question it either, I just did it because it needed to be done.  On Sunday, I said, “Okay, but why should I do it?”

It’s the responsible thing to do.  I want the yard to look nice.  I want the neighbors to think I’m contributing to the beauty of the neighborhood (joke’s on them, I have not inherited my mother’s green thumb or enthusiasm for gardening).

It would make me happy to accomplish this task because it will make other people happy, too.

When I stopped to think why I was doing it, I was a lot more happy to do it.  Mowing grass still sucks, sure, but it feels good to have done it.

Just that shift in my attitude made it more pleasant and I was happier to mow the grass.

Similarly, I had lunch with an old co-worker the other day and as I was lamenting how I wasn’t where I thought I should  be in life, he took his chop stick wrapper and hit me with it every time I said should.  You don’t realize it until someone smacks you each time you say it how much you say it!

I encourage everyone to check out the TEDx talks when they’re posted online and definitely spend time getting to know Britt and In Pursuit of Happiness.  Now who’s ready to stop with the shoulds?

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5 Comments · Labels: Just a Thought, Motivation Tagged: britt reints, happiness, inspiration, motivation, should, tedx, tedxgrandviewave

Who’s Angelica?

Life Un-styled Blogger, Gardener, Shoe Lover..among other things

I'm here to encourage and empower you to grow where you're planted and embrace the weeds that sometimes pop up. I'll share inspiration, products I like (and you may too), and stories from the garden.

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