Gardening in High Heels

cultivate a beautiful life

Style is Subjective

This, like the defining beauty post, is a hard one for me to focus my thoughts.  You guys have seen some of my outfits, so that’s a pretty good feel for how I approach dressing.  But there are so many more ways to look at style than just your clothes.  What you do and say are just as important as what you wear.  So I thought I’d tackle this Blogger, May I prompt a little bit differently when describing my style.

Style is fluid and uniquely your own.

Of course, clothes are first thing that people notice 99% of the time, but there are more ways to look a style.  How do you act, carry yourself, speak, write, dare I go here…smell.  Style is entirely subjective and matters so much more of what you do with it than what you look like.

I’m still trying to figure out what my style is.  In real life, I try to be witty and I’m a lot sarcastic, quick to pick up on references that I get and turn of phrases.  There are times I think I could go into standup comedy, especially when I’m on a snarky rant about kids these days or the customers I work with.  It’s just one one-liner after another with a sharp bite and a cheeky attitude.

In writing, I’m still trying to work on making that liveliness come through all the time.  There are so many ways that tone can be misconstrued when writing and that’s what I’m worried about.  But I should sit here and say, Listen, if you don’t get it, that’s okay; you do your thing and I’ll do mine and we’re both gonna be okay.

It was easier when I was just writing for myself, back in the days of Moda Vivendi.  I loved those posts.  They aren’t particularly blogger-y, but they’re me.  I loved that quick bite that came through the screen.  I probably employed that style a lot more because back then, I wasn’t well known.  Well, I’m not now, but you know what I mean.

What I love about style is that it is constantly changing.  We aren’t stuck with one way of being.  It’s always moving and flowing from one iteration to another.

I’m so thrilled to have you come on the way with me during this, though; unlike Moda Vivendi, it’s more fun when I can communicate with people!

In a nutshell, style is more than just what you’re wearing.  It’s like beauty – the whole package is your style.  There are elements that are more pronounced, but they all work together to create your own unique style.

That said, I’m a jeans and tee shirt kinda gal.

What’s your style?


An open invitation to let it go

This has been sitting in my drafts folder and I felt like pulling it out for some reason.  I started it about a year and a half ago.  I was feeling entirely stuck, uninspired, and unappreciated at work.  I was doing everything I could to get myself out of that hell, but I just couldn’t.

I largely blamed my current employer.  Who wants to hire me as a content manager when the company I work for can’t spell correctly?!

That said, I knew it couldn’t be all them.  It’s hard to break into the ad scene in Pittsburgh.  If I tried a little harder, maybe something better would have happened faster (I’m starting to feel like a Daft Punk track).

I’m happy to say I’m no longer with this company I’m writing about today.

So this one goes out to all of the people who have wanted to write something to their boss, a coworker, a friend, a family member and just couldn’t.  This took me two years to say.  Get out there, write something down, and let it go.

If you're looking for permission to get things off your chest and let it go, here it is! Write it down, set it free.

I have had the opportunity to work with some amazing women this year (and year’s past).   This is in no way a snub to them.  I am eternally grateful that they see someone worthwhile in me and for learning from them.  Just recently, I accepted the opportunity to intern for Yelp in Pittsburgh and it got me thinking.  I send out tons of job applications each week, but get very few chances to actually speak with the company.  Once I get to speak it someone, it’s a lot easier to explain I’m the victim of circumstance, but it’s hard to write in a cover letter, “Please don’t hold my current employer against me.”  That’s what I feel like I’m going to have to start doing.  So here is my open letter to my future employer:

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and do what is asked of me.  In doing what is asked of me, I’m running into trouble.  I know, I majored in English and there are typos aplenty all over my current employer’s menu.  That doesn’t look good on me applying for a content creator job.  I’ve asked thousands of times to take a look at the menus before they’re printed..to no avail.

Just the other day, in fact, I said that I’d be happy to take a look and make sure the spelling was good and the alignment was right.  I was laughed at.  Literally.  I was told the menus were already printed and he wouldn’t take any of my suggestions anyway.

“I don’t care about all of that grammar stuff,” he said.  When your boss tells you they don’t care enough about how they are perceived to make sure there are no errors in a menu that tons of people see every day, what does that say?  What does that say to the customer?  What does that say ABOUT the customer?  What does that say about the COMPANY?

(And don’t get me started on the commas and the apostrophes.  I’ve tried to eradicate them when possible but if you see “pint’s” somewhere, I didn’t do that.  I’m not saying the “pint is” or the pints are possessive.  They just don’t know that to pluralize something, one simply adds an “s.”)

Same with clip art.  I tried to do something different and creative when I first got to my current position, but all of my attempts at doing something different were waved off.  I’m lucky I can just get away with some coordinating colors and matching (not cartoon-y) fonts.  (Also, I’m sorry for the Comic Sans.  That is actually trademarked.  I cannot do a thing about it).

I have a minimal aesthetic.  I like clean lines, bright color choices, and bold fonts.  These guys were shown clip art and went to town.  They like lengthy descriptions when simply a list of ingredients will do, lots of pictures, and background patterns; that just isn’t me.  At least we don’t make people wear pieces of flair and have used trombones and license plates hanging on the walls.

Then let’s move on to damage control.  Our “policies” are hard to stand behind.  Defending the servers who are consistently rude, slow, incompetent, and petulant isn’t easy to get with either.  The kitchen and the food I have absolutely nothing to do with but I’m getting tired of responding to Yelp reviews with, “I’ll review with the cook how to properly prepare that dish.”

Just because my current employer feels as if something is satisfactory doesn’t mean I do.  Their version of “complete” doesn’t reflect my version of complete.  The standards that they set forth for their company aren’t as high as the standards that I set for myself.  This is an effort to correct some of those misconceptions.  My abilities aren’t theirs, their company isn’t a reflection of what I’m capable of.  I’d do more, but I’m not able to.  I’d like to do more and keep my career positive and constantly learning.  I’ve plateaued here.  The only thing I’ve learned recently is that this job is hurting me and isn’t helping me to move onward and upward.

What’s something you’ve wanted to say but couldn’t?  Let me know in the comments and get it off your chest!

Two word advice

Earlier this week, Emily Levenson posted in the Propelle Rock It Facebook group asking, “If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in only two words?”  I must have typed out and deleted them so many times because I had such a hard time finding the right two words.

What advice would you give to your younger self in two words?

Don’t stop and be yourself seemed too generic; it wasn’t specific to me.  Try harder makes it sound like I wasn’t trying my best.  Don’t be complacent and everything will be okay are more than two words.

When someone asks the advice you’d give your younger self, I always picture myself as a little kid because those are my “formative years” and there are things I wish I would have known.

I still insist that, as a kid, no one could tell me anything I’d listen to.  I thought I knew pretty much everything and no one could tell me otherwise; all the advice was well-meaning but they didn’t know what I was going through!

No, I won’t get over this crush.  Yes, it is the end of the world and the biggest thing that ever happened to me.

I know when you’re going through something, it seems like the end of the world and it just consumes you and then you can look back and be like, here’s what should have happened.

I think I would have listened to myself, though, because I could say to myself, “Hey, you, listen to you.  Here’s what’s up,” and I’d have to take that advice because I’ve been there and now I’m here on the other side.

Also, it’s specific to me  Advice never felt specific enough when I was a kid.  I wanted someone to tell me, “This is what you need to do,” instead of guiding me with well-meaning cliches.

When I think about how I was as a kid, I was quiet, pretty timid, and unless I was in my comfort zone, I didn’t venture out too much.  So that was what I thought I’d take into consideration when giving advice to tell my younger self.

Get outside.

Get outside. Savor the moment and be present to what is happening around you.

Get outside of everything.  Your comfort zone, the house, the books you read, the music you listen to, the friends you play with, the people you talk to.

Trying something new is scary and you may disappoint your parents’ expectations or get into a hairy situation with your friends, but it’s better than not doing what you want because you’re afraid of the outcome.

Try getting out of your own way, trusting your instincts, finding something new to occupy your time instead of the same old stuff.

Even in college: get outside.  Sure, study hard, but have fun.  Don’t try to pack all the fun of four years into a few weekends when you’re finally free.  Savor the moment and be present to what is happening around you.

And don’t be afraid to get a little messy.  That’s definitely good advice, but much more than two words.

What advice would you give to your younger self?  When you picture your “younger self,” where are you in your life?

I am woman, hear me say no

I have a disease.  It’s called being a woman.  Now don’t get your tomatoes out just yet!  Hear me out.

I understand I’m painting in broad strokes, but it seems like many women have a hard time saying no.  There are shelves of books dedicated to telling us “We are enough,” and, “It’s okay to say no.”  There are blogs and articles and coaches telling us that it’s okay and actually good for us to limit ourselves.

Saying yes to things you don’t want to do robs you of the money, time, and energy that you would be using to do something worthwhile and meaningful to you, something you actually want to do that would make you feel better, more accomplished, or happier.

I don’t know about you, but I feel obligated to jump on every response, every email, every time someone calls on me the second they call on me.  It results in me being tired, burned out, resentful, and already feeling like I’m breaking my resolution of focus and connect just one month in to 2015.

Pair that obligation with having such a hard time accepting help.  I’m always so surprised when people want to help.  I don’t know if I have a chip on my shoulder about being “the responsible one” or “the one who does her job,” but it’s very difficult for me to let someone take control.

I think I see it as a sign of weakness.  We’re all so concerned about doing as much as possible that relinquishing control, in my mind, is admitting defeat.

Saying that I can’t do it all is saying I’m failing at doing something.  And I don’t fail.

I feel like that is amplified by being a woman.  I work all day, take care of the house, have a side hustle, blog, and am also supposed to have time to work out, eat, sleep, catch up on Scorpion… Impossible!

Because I am not an expert at saying no (it’s something I recognize a need for), I think I could use a little practice.

I’m issuing myself, and you, a challenge.  Say “no” to something today.  How!?  Well, take inspiration from this Levo article.

I love this line:

Saying yes to things you don’t want to do robs you of the money, time, and energy that you would be using to do something worthwhile and meaningful to you, something you actually want to do that would make you feel better, more accomplished, or happier.

So.  Spot.  On.

A few things that I would add:

Will saying yes help you work towards your goals or hurt you?

Really think through this.  Are you doing this because you think it might get you ahead or will it really help to further your goal/blog/career.  Are you doing this because you feel like it’ll make you look good or do you really want to do this?

Do you believe in what you are doing?

Like Michele mentioned in her Levo article, if you heart isn’t in it, don’t do it.  People can tell you’re faking and I’d venture to say you probably won’t enjoy it.

In the case of a product recommendation, if you don’t genuinely believe it, why are you talking about it?  Would you trust someone who wasn’t genuine?  Then why should your readers trust you if you’re not being honest.

And then focus on how you feel

Do you feel good saying no? I’m sure it’s scary, but do you feel freedom to explore other areas or are you just feeling guilty for turning down something?

I may not know a lot, but I do know that your gut will know what the right decision is.

Right, back to the challenge.  Do it today, then try it tomorrow, the next day.  Even if it’s just small things like, “No, I won’t make an extra trip to Target this week, I’ll pick up your (insert thing here) when I go back next week.”

Are you going to join me on my journey to say no?  No excuses, now!

You’re not “too busy”

I’ve used the phrase “writer’s block” plenty of times.  It’s almost like one of those throw-away “excuse” kind of things like, “Oh I’d love to do __, but I don’t have any time,” and, “I’m just too busy.”  We all toss it out there as an explanation for why we can’t do something, but does it really mean anything?

Nope, not at all.  It’s a total cop-out.  We’re all busy.  We wear or busy-ness on our chests like a medal.

My point is: if you really want to do something, you’ll figure out how to make it happen.

This came up at a breakfast I was at the other week  The topic was running the Pittsburgh If you want to do something badly enough, you'll figure out how to make it happenmarathon.  Two of us will do it, one said oh hell no, emphatically.

And that’s totally cool.  I’d rather have someone just be real and be like, “Yeah no, that’s never happening,” than sit there and pander on about it.

“Well, I don’t have time now, but it might be something to do in the future…  Oh, it’s great that you’re doing it, but I’m just so busy.”

Oh, yeah?  With what?

That just sounds like, “Oh good for you that you have the luxury of spending time on that, but I am far too important and busy to spend time on myself” even if it wasn’t intended that way.

Why are we so scared to say, “I just don’t have an interest in doing that,” or even a simple: “I really don’t want to.”  There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you don’t want to do something.

Is it because if we don’t have the drive to run a marathon or start our own business, we’re looked down on upon?  It seems like it’s worse to admit that you don’t want to do something than never follow through on what you claim you’d like to do, y’know, when you have the time.

Similar to having to appear busy at all times, we have to seem like we have all of these desires piling up just waiting for the time, but poor us, it just never makes itself available.  It’s a totally vain to-do list since we can’t just say “Nope, not gonna do that.”

I’m totally to blame for using this, too.

I won’t pretend like I never say, “I don’t have time” or “This writer’s block is killing my vibe!”  I do it all the time.  I don’t have time to vacuum or take the patio furniture in or get a hair cut or remember to text my mother that address.

For the company Christmas party, we were asked to bring a dish if we could.  I had time off, but I didn’t make that a priority over other tasks on my list.  I said I didn’t have time and everyone knowingly nodded.  I’m sure if I said, “I had more important things to do and just didn’t feel like making a cookie plate when I got  a spare moment” wouldn’t have been as readily accepted.

And I probably shouldn’t publicly admit this, but I still have Christmas presents for my aunt and uncle that my mom left for me to deliver at the beginning of November; sorry guys, I really just didn’t feel like hauling ass to drop things off.

So with the new year approaching, it’s the perfect time to strike these empty statements from our vocabulary.  Make time to do what you want and let the other things drop off.  Be real with what you want to do and stop making excuses.

What excuse phrase are you guilty of abusing?

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