Gardening in High Heels

cultivate a beautiful life

Patience. Or: How to be Patient

“Angelica, patience is not our virtue,” is something I heard a lot when I was growing up. I was always told I’m not a patient person, so I believed that story: You aren’t patient. You have to work at being patient. It’s a mantra I got from my mom.

Trust me, there are tons of times when I see lack of patience showing through. Goals for me are big-time patience-killers. I want something right now when I decide to put my mind to it. Not that I don’t work hard for what I have or expect things to be handed to me. I expect immediate, visible change. Exercise is where it really shows up for me. I ran 5 miles today, why don’t I have awesome legs and killer abs??

Remember my body image issues?

So there’s something I’ve been wondering a lot recently. When does patience turn into passivity? At what point point do you just let people walk all over you at their own pace in the name of “patience”?

When does patience turn into passivity? At what point point do you just let people walk all over you at their own pace in the name of "patience"? The answer is boundaries!

I fancy myself the strong, silent type who doesn’t make waves but still speak up for herself when necessary. A quiet leader who doesn’t need fanfare. But in reality, I’m not living that image of myself. I let things happen to me, especially when I think that presenting a strong opposing stance (in my best interest) will change the other person’s perception of me as the “nice girl.”

Something I admire greatly about my best friend is that she decides what she wants and makes the decision for herself to get it, do it, be it. She will think about others, sure, but her ultimate decision is in the best interest for what she wants to accomplish in her life. She doesn’t wait for the right time, or let someone dictate the terms of her life. She’s another person who wants that immediate result, so she makes it happen.

It goes back to boundaries, like I wrote about last week. Boundaries are tricky but a solid indicator of what you will and won’t stand for. It’s your guiding light.

Man I love when shit ties together like this.

When do you think patience turns into passivity?

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Would you change?

There’s this site that has 36 questions and it’ll apparently make you fall in love with anyone. I kept it bookmarked in my inbox because I knew some day, I would be stuck for a topic, but I didn’t read any of the questions yet. I went through them and stopped at 19 (though all of them are thought-provoking) this one hit me, hard:

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I would laugh louder, dream bigger, adventure harder, relax faithfully, meditate purposefully…basically everything we are encouraged to do to live a full life right now.

It’s so easy to say, “Oh, I have my whole life to do that, it can wait.” Or maybe you’re thinking, “I have my whole life, I don’t want to screw up my relationships, finances, others’ opinions of me, etc,” so you don’t do anything at all and just use the insanity definition of “I won’t change anything but maybe the outcome will be different.”

The interesting thing about this question is the deadline. One year. That puts some immediacy on it. And forces you to look at what’s really important to you. Think about the things that you’d change if you only had a year. Those are the responses that are important to you.

Personally, I would speak my truth more, try to erase uncertainty in my choices, re-learn how to play guitar, make something big (like a quilt), meditate by a river preferably with a waterfall that I could jump off of, cultivate deep passion, travel around to meet you lovely lady readers of mine, take lots of pictures and actually print them out.

Some things are project goals that I can check  off, others are maintenance goals that have to be worked at each day.

What would you change if you only had a year? Interesting read about standing up for what you believe in and changing hard habits.

I know there would be some people that would run away and hide or who would make all the necessary preparations (which is much more likely what I’d do) so your friends and family are set up.

I’d really like to think that I’d be brave enough to find my voice and my feet and make some kind of impact, even if it’s something small. There’s 365 days to do something, anything.

So if you only had a year, would you change anything?

PS: need some ideas to get your change started? Molly Mahar has eight ways to improve your quality of life (super simple things) and I have a list of people I like to get inspiration from when I’m stuck here.

You are strong

I’m not one for body love. My body just kind of…is what it is. Growing up, my mom was always focused on trying to keep pounds off, not embracing what she has, so it’s been programmed into me that “This is what I have, make it something it’s not,” instead of, “This is what I have, be proud of it.”

I will always have baby fat that I can’t get rid of. And I know I look better in person than in pictures. And I have dark circles and crooked teeth and my calves are huge.

But I was looking at a picture from the Pittsburgh Marathon yesterday and I have to say… I am insanely proud of what my little 5-foot-massive-calf-muscle body can accomplish. I ran 5k on Saturday and then 13.1 miles on Sunday (and not for the first time. This was my 5th Pittsburgh half and 6th half marathon overall). This is what that looks like…

Angelica Half Marathon

I don’t give enough credit to this body that carried me over the finish line in about 2 hours and 25 minutes. Sure, I’ve run faster and my body is kinda like, “WTF mate??” right now, but damn, I want to savor this accomplishment. And not brush off the fact that THIS IS F’ING INCREDIBLE.

I am proud of what I can accomplish. And I want you to be proud of what you can accomplish, too. It doesn’t matter if you run, lift, or just make a choice to eat an apple instead of Oreos (because really when faced with that choice, I will always pick Oreos.)

And it isn’t just fitness. You’re mentally strong. You go on day after day, trying to make each one better than the last. Probably with little praise, help, or time spent celebrating your wins.

I mean, I can’t be the only one who doesn’t savor the moment..

So this one’s for those who need to take the time to stop and think about what you can do. What your body, mind, and soul can do. We are fucking awesome. And we all deserve to sit back and say, “Hell yeah, I rock.”

You are strong, damnit. Don't forget that.

What have you done this past week that proves you’re strong?

No One Will be Perfect

I was reading an email from Marie Forleo talking about her website overhaul. She said,

We’ve hit more delays, stumbling blocks and snafus than any of us could have imagined. And while we’re experienced makers in our ever-changing digital world, this process affirmed a few very important principles every modern creator should remember.

And it just hit me. No One is an ideal candidate for a job. No one is 100% flawlessly, perfectly suited for the job. Marie said right there that everyone on her team is qualified and experienced and even they ran into issues. No one is absolutely perfect!

Everyone runs into unforeseen problems. Everyone makes mistakes. If you wait for the ideal candidate to come along, you miss out on the awesome hard worker who will bust his/her ass to do what they can to make you succeed.

Not everyone is an ideal candidate but don't let that stop you from doing your thing and working hard to make magic happen!

 

 

I’d rather work with that person that a robot. What about you?

Also, this bears repeating over and over:

…don’t make yourself crazy trying to get everything perfect. Not only is perfect just not possible, you’ll wind up tinkering away into eternity and never actually launching! Always focus on progress, not perfection.

Instead of worrying about making it perfect, just do the damn thing.

Vulnerability

People undervalue vulnerability. And part of that means they don’t authentically share what’s happening in their lives as it’s happening. They wait until something shiny comes along, slap on an Instagram filter, and present a polished version of what’s happening.

I’m not saying don’t share the great things that happen to you, I’m just asking why we can’t also appreciate the messy things. The stuff that gets swept under the rug because we don’t want to look like we don’t have it all together. Trust me, I do it, too. If you were to go in my head now, it would look something like these dogs:

and a little like this girl:

So, for Day 1 of #100DaysBlogging (thanks to Emily Levenson for the challenge), I’m sharing where I am, right now, in all of it’s authentic vulnerability.

One of my biggest insecurities is that I feel like I’m playing dress-up and just make believing that I’m an adult with a real job and real responsibilities and at any moment, someone will come along and say, “You’re not an adult yet! You don’t have x, y, and z, so you’re not really there, you don’t know what it’s like to be ‘an adult.'”

Then I get to thinking: That’s right! I rely on my stepfather to pay the Verizon bill. I’m not really a “real adult.” And while I’m at it..Why should someone care about what I’m writing? What difference does it make? What do I know about x, y, z? Who else knows that I’m really not strong and capable and just pretending to get it all together? What will happen when they find out I’m not as good as they thought I was?

My mind. It can run amok sometimes.

Call it imposter syndrome or playing pretend. Call it whatever you want.

But sometimes you have to roll around in what’s real for you in the moment and get really comfortable being messy for a while.

I have been protecting myself from those thoughts. But trying to shield yourself from getting hurt, from discomfort and awkward situations, dulls you to the outside world. Vulnerability is a crucial part of the creative process. Hell, to the living process. And that means getting really comfortable admitting that those voices are valid, but they aren’t driving the car.

So if we never allow ourselves the opportunity to be vulnerable, we never allow ourselves to experience everything on a scale from -10 to 10. We stay firmly in the -3 to 4 range. That’s a small window of opportunity.

It’s like Andy Warhol said, “I never fall apart because I never fall together.” And that guy knew something about experimentation and being open to new opportunities.

Embrace where you are right now. Share what’s real without the rosy Instagram filter making everything look flawless. Sit in the dirt and get comfortable with vulnerability. It’ll open some interesting doors if you let it.

I’m off to take a big dose of my own medicine.

How are you embracing vulnerability?

Embracing vulnerability as a creative person is absolutely imperative. Get comfortable being a little uncomfortable!

1/100 — #100DaysBlogging

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