Gardening in High Heels

cultivate a beautiful life

Five things to be happy about

Many experts say that practicing gratitude is a sure-fire way to boost your happiness, highlight your abundance, and generally be a more positive person. When you’re a positive person, it’s easier to be happy. (And happy people don’t shoot their husbands.) It’s a circle, you see. Here are five things to be happy about — even if you aren’t particularly happy today.

Changing of the seasons

Even though I’m a hardXcore summer person and I’m not ready for fall (and subsequently winter), I love when the seasons change. It feels like a fresh start — and anything is possible. Clean slate, yo. It feels good.

Doing at least one thing a day that makes you feel good

Speaking of feeling good… call it self-care or a guilty pleasure, but doing something just because it makes you feel damn good is a great thing. Today, for me, that included cooking myself a good meal, cleaning the counters until they were shiny and not grimy anymore, and treating myself to a glass of wine at a cool bar while I write this. (Spoiler alert: I wrote and scheduled this baby ahead of time.)

Child-like obsession for anything

Anyone who knows me knows I am not a kid person. I am pretty much the un-kidliest person around. But damn if their happiness isn’t infectious. Now, I’m not saying be a creeper at a park or a daycare. But you can harness that happiness.

Have you ever seen Under the Tuscan Sun? Remember when Katherine is drunk and she says, “Never lose your childish enthusiasm”? Kids are all in for whatever occupies their mind at the moment. And they don’t let it go until they get it or figure it out.

Find something akin to that wonder in a child’s eyes, something that is endlessly fascinating to you. Even if it’s just a small tickle deep down. Hold on to that and keep coming back to it. It gets easier to find the more you do it. Learning and growing, or even just laughing, is a wonderful part of the human condition.

Target

Okay, this is kind of a fluffy, give-away point. But Target it the shit. I don’t think I’ve ever walked out of Target unhappy in my grumble-grumble years of going to Target. What is your Target? In other words, what is your “happy place”? That is my point here. Find your happy place and go there often. Be grateful for it.

The fact that you are reading this

You have your eyesight, an internet or cellular connection (and the ability to pay for said connection), and breath to breathe to make it all happen. Trust me, I’m not a “just be thankful you’re alive” kind of person. But I mean…it is something to be grateful for. You woke up today, hopefully in a bed. Or in someone you love’s bed. Or on their couch. Or anywhere that affords eyesight and an internet connection. And you have the ability to choose what you want to read/do/consume.

And really, if things were that bad, reading this post would be the least of your concerns. #perspective

What are you happy for today?

Questioning your way to happiness

Do you ever think about where you’d be if big life events were handled differently?  When I was in high school. I almost changed my acceptance at Penn State from the main campus to a branch (I’m sorry, satellite) campus.  My mother told me I was insane and I’m glad I listened to her.  Then, during my first semester, I was so close to transferring to Pitt or a school closer to home.

I’m still proud to say I was accepted at the UPark campus as an incoming freshman and graduated with two degrees in three and a half years.  But I never would have gotten the chance to say that if I changed campuses.

Going even further back, what if I pursued my desire to attend Boston College for no other reason than I just wanted to be somewhere other than Pittsburgh?  What if my parents hadn’t moved back to Pennsylvania from Texas?  I could have an adorable southern accent.

What about things that I didn’t choose, like what if my mom didn’t move out of town or my father didn’t get sick?  Or I wasn’t prey of a mentally manipulative person that made years of my life a living hell?

All of these things can shape you as a person.

I don’t think that’s dwelling on the past to ask these what-if questions.  If you fantasize about them and lose touch with what’s happening around you because you’re so wrapped up in these thoughts, then that’s a bad thing.  But I think it’s good to reflect on experiences that you have and appreciate where you’ve come from and where you’re going.

The keyword is appreciate.  Even bad things, like being late.  They give you strength, grace, understanding, compassion.  Maybe even happiness.

Moderation. Small Helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets to happiness and good health. You need to enjoy the good things in life, but you need not overindulge. -Julia Child

The other night at our Levo meeting, Britt Reints talked about the importance of practicing gratuity.  Being grateful is something we actively have to practice in order to find happiness, to appreciate life, to see how much you’ve grown.

Did you know that your happiness has a ripple effect?  There are three degrees of separation between you and the people who can feel the positive vibes of you being happy.

Did you also know that people who practice gratitude are 25% happier than people who don’t?

With all of this happy research to persuade me, I started my gratitude practice again.  I was doing for a while with Emily Levenson’s Project Miracles but lost it when I lost the accountability of doing it in a group setting.  But the fantastic thing is that you can pick it back up any time you want.

Sure, it’s hard to say, “I’m grateful for this shitty situation that I’m in,” but the more you do it, the easier it is.  And those thoughts are just as valid and relevant to your happiness as a positive thought.

What I love is that it serves as a guide for you to say, “This is what makes me happy.”  It’s there in black and white.  And it forces you to use your gut.  I’m horrible at making decisions; consciously thinking about what you are grateful for strengthens your intuitive powers.

So I challenge you to start practicing gratitude.  What’s something for which you’re grateful?  It can be something that shaped you into the person you are now or just something good that happened today.

The post in which I fangirl about Britt Reints at #TEDxGrandviewAve

I went to TEDxGrandviewAve on Saturday.  The theme, Dare To Create, resonates with me, of course.  I loved hearing how people create from different backgrounds and disciplines; a computer programer is just as creative as an artist, just in a different way.  Most of all, I loved hearing Britt Reints of In Pursuit of Happiness speak.  When I purchased the tickets, I did so simply because of her promo view.  She told a story about a dog her family had when she was a kid.  This dog figured out that if he ran through the electric fence, it would only hurt for a bit, and then he would be free.  Um, doesn’t that make everyone go, “Yes, I want to run free and happy, to0”?

TEDxGrandivewAve Program

Since then, I’ve had the opportunity to talk with Britt briefly at Propelle and Creative Mornings sessions.  I have to say, I think she’s just about the coolest person ever.  Someone offering to sit down and chat about writing because of something you said a month before?  Yeah, pretty badass (and more importantly) generous.  I’m crossing the line of “I feel like I know you personally because I’ve heard you speak and read your blog and your tweets and know about your life but really we’re barely acquaintances,” so on to my point.

Britt’s talk was about creating an owner’s manual for yourself and guiding yourself to happiness through learning to trust yourself.  A big part of that trust is first to stop shoulding on yourself.  Ask yourself why you should do something and don’t do it if it’s not something that you want to do.  Listen to what you need.  And do the things that make you happy to do them.  I did it and it helped.

On Friday, I was weeding and clearing flower beds, absolutely hating it because I should be doing it.  I didn’t want to do it, but I didn’t question it either, I just did it because it needed to be done.  On Sunday, I said, “Okay, but why should I do it?”

It’s the responsible thing to do.  I want the yard to look nice.  I want the neighbors to think I’m contributing to the beauty of the neighborhood (joke’s on them, I have not inherited my mother’s green thumb or enthusiasm for gardening).

It would make me happy to accomplish this task because it will make other people happy, too.

When I stopped to think why I was doing it, I was a lot more happy to do it.  Mowing grass still sucks, sure, but it feels good to have done it.

Just that shift in my attitude made it more pleasant and I was happier to mow the grass.

Similarly, I had lunch with an old co-worker the other day and as I was lamenting how I wasn’t where I thought I should  be in life, he took his chop stick wrapper and hit me with it every time I said should.  You don’t realize it until someone smacks you each time you say it how much you say it!

I encourage everyone to check out the TEDx talks when they’re posted online and definitely spend time getting to know Britt and In Pursuit of Happiness.  Now who’s ready to stop with the shoulds?

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