Gardening in High Heels

cultivate a beautiful life

An honest talk about what’s real

After two days of Rory-Gilmore-after-drinking-Miss-Patty’s-Founders’-Day-punch-white-girl-on-the-bathroom-floor levels of crying, I can safely say that something is deeply wrong. Just writing that sentence is getting me going again. I’ve been lying. I say that I’m here to help empower women with my own stories of prevailing and standing in my strength. But clearly I’m not doing that. I haven’t been sharing what’s real, so how does that help someone else going through it, too?

I can’t write a blog about growth and empowerment because I feel like a total fraud anytime I sit down to write. I’m NOT growing and being empowered right now, so what gives me the right to write about it? That explains why there really hasn’t been much coming from me lately aside from Instagrams.

I feel horrible about myself because I don’t want to work until 2am on my business, wake up at 6am, and start over. I don’t have people knocking down my door to work with me. I’m not out cutting all the business deals. I’m not recognized. And I freakin’ HATE when people say “Just find what you’re passionate about and it’ll fall into place.” WTF does that even mean?? The second that a light bulb goes off, everything will just land in my lap and it’ll suddenly be easy? I don’t think so.

This is a long-winded way to tell you that I want to burn everything down and start again. I can’t connect with the bigger picture right now. Normally when this happens, I cut my hair, change domain names, and have this big comeback celebration only to realize my problems followed me and the wind gets kicked out of my sails once more. I’ve even started to wipe off some old posts that don’t really belong here anymore, though it’s fun to see the evolution.

I’m stuck in a HUGE comparison trap loop, yet I fall into it once every 5 weeks or so. I guess it’s good that I know that it’s happening and try to pull myself out of it?

My dear friend, Marissa, always has insightful wisdom for when this happens. It’s never too late to course-correct to get back on track. Recognizing that life does suck, things aren’t always perfectly perfect, and being honest about it is my super-power…#becauseimkeepingitreal.

So here’s to recognizing that downward cycles happen. And that things feel sucky. And I don’t have wisdom for anyone who’s going through it with me, just comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone in feeling that way. Sometimes that’s the only thing we can offer each other. I’d be happy to lend an ear (well, a set of eyes) if you have anything you want to share. Just writing about what’s wrong can help get to what’s right again.

An Honest Talk About What's Real Right Now

Sunday Lately, 85

Sunday Lately is a weekly link up brought to you by the Blogger Tribe. Link up and see what's been happening lately!Sunday Lately is a weekly linkup hosted by the Blogger Tribe (which is being fearlessly lead by Meghan, Nicole, Katy, and myself). We e-hang out every Sunday, sharing a small glimpse into the last week of life in our own worlds. We’d love if you could join us!
This week’s themes: Completing, Visiting, Repeating, Writing, Scheduling

 

Last Sunday, I woke up with a summer head cold and proceeded to spend the rest of the day in bed. I could have written something while I was alternating between sneezing and coughing, but I watched Gilmore Girls on Netflix instead. I also got a lesson in aphid removal from my mom while she was visiting. All in all, the week was pretty awesome.

Completing

Awkward: I have been stuck in a creative rut recently. I can’t shake anything out when I sit down, so I haven’t really completed much of anything lately. Oops.

Awesome: I did end up going through my hair/makeup/body products with my mom while she was in town and got to clean out a bunch of stuff that I don’t use. I guess you could say I completed some cleaning.

Visiting

Awesome: Last week were two family birthdays in the space of three days. So I was visiting lots of family. It was really nice to see people that I usually don’t.

Repeating

Awkward: I feel like my days are running into each other. Getting a business started is sometimes really repetitive. Wake up, make coffee, sit in front of the computer, don’t move for hours. Repeat.

Awesome: Picking and watering my garden. I planted late, so I’m used to having more on the stems by now. It’s finally coming alive, though.

Fresh garden basil

Fresh garden cucumbers

Writing

Awkward: Nothing. Insert crying emoji here.

Scheduling

Awkward: I feel very much like I’ve been scheduling nothing, too. Oh well.

What have you been up to lately? Link up with us and share!


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Sunday Lately, 83

Sunday Lately is a weekly link up brought to you by the Blogger Tribe. Link up and see what's been happening lately!Sunday Lately is a weekly linkup hosted by the Blogger Tribe (which is being fearlessly lead by Meghan, Nicole, Katy, and myself). We e-hang out every Sunday, sharing a small glimpse into the last week of life in our own worlds. We’d love if you could join us!
This week’s themes: Creating, Finding, Switching, Forgetting, Craving

 

I went to Juju in Pittsburgh for an intuitive tarot reading and omg was it so amazing. Highly recommend if you’re in the area.

Juju shop and boutique in Point Breeze in Pittsburgh. A MUST visit!

This week has been……awkward and awesome. Find out why.

Creating

Awkward: I still feel so awkward about AngelicaRoss.co and I know I shouldn’t write about that here because I’m pretty open about one being connected to the other and I don’t want to thrash my credibility…but transparency time… I feel so awkward creating in that space because I’m like “Ahhhhhh I have to be this big authority.” I had no problem blogging about blogging here last summer. So why can’t I do it there? I should be on Impostercast, I swear.

Finding

Awesome: I’m finding it hard to write this because I’m at Grist House and there are adorable dogs all over. I call this awesome because, hello, dogs. So of course I had to go on Animal Friend’s website and get distracted and heart broken over all the adorable pups that are there. I miss Clipper. I should have dognapped him when I had the chance.

Switching

Awkward: It was so hot in Virginia. Like 100+ degrees. And I’m starting to wear dresses/shorts more often. I’ve done it so much, my father is has commented on it. And my mother. And my step-father. This is coming from the person who would wear jeans 365 days a year, so I guess it’s a little weird to embrace shorts so much. But it’s hot, yo.

Awesome: I’m wearing dresses a lot more. Because no pants. And that is awesome just by itself.

Forgetting

Awesome: I forgot how awesome it was to go somewhere and just be alone. I’m not going to pretend like I didn’t ask people to meet up with me tonight, but I’m kinda glad it didn’t work so I had the chance to just focus 100% on what I wanted to.

Craving

Awkward: I have been wanting a physical change. But I don’t want to cut my hair any shorter than it is. And I really don’t want to dye it.. #virginhair. I’d get a new piercing, but I have to let me ear heal (update from last week: the end was embedded in my ear! But Six16 knew exactly what to do and, good news, I still have my ear. #winning). So what to do…

Maybe you missed…

  • My new mantra: be the fluff
  • Beach essentials that no one thinks about bringing with them to the beach. You know. If I ever went to a beach. Let’s pretend the garden is the beach because that’s mainly where my sunburns come from.

Also, Katy and I are co-hosting an August Photo a Day linkup with the Blogger Tribe. It starts tomorrow! Join in!

BLOGGER TRIBE Photo a Day Challenge August 2016

What have you been up to lately? Link up with us and share!


Beach Essentials No One Thinks About

I’ve been digging into some heavy subjects (and will continue to do so as part of my new Monday Musings / Good Question series) so I wanted to lighten things up a bit and talk about some of my favorite items for summer. Adore Me asked me to round up some beach essentials. And I’m not a beach person, but I do spend a lot of time outside in the summer in Pittsburgh, because when you’re rainier than Seattle, you have to soak up all the sun you can get. I thought I’d pass along some summer things that no one thinks about but are still essential to happy day of sun, wherever the beach may be for you.

Great list of things you probably forgot to take to the beach. This is a much better list than just sunscreen and a good book!

Soothe Your Summer Skin

I’ve written about skincare before and my tastes haven’t changed much, but since then, I have found Una Biologicals. And holy sweet potatoes if it isn’t the best thing ever. All natural products made in Pittsburgh. I recently picked up the Blemish Buster roll on because I am oilier than a frying pan in the summer (which means my face is bumpier than a corn cob – is it just me or are you getting hungry, too?) and wanted something that I could keep in my purse for easy application.

Seriously, within three hours of using this and their citrus face wash oil, inflammation was reduced and so was the redness. You could barely tell I had a massive honking zit the size of Rhode Island on my jaw.

I’m also a fan of their body butters (life saver if you’ve been burned, which you shouldn’t be because you’re responsible and put on sun block that hasn’t expired, unlike me, right?) and I was recently introduced to all-natural insect repellent and deodorant. She also have poison ivy spray, after sun care, Wound Wonder healing salve and all the things you want to help recover after a day outside (you can find all of that here). I could seriously drop rent+utilities at Una Biologicals and still walk away happy.

Have a Cool Drink of Water

Of course, if you’re anything like me, you think about the drinks first. Julia Child said, “A party without cake is just a meeting.” Angelica Ross says, “A summer isn’t complete without at least one porch drinking night.” We totally have the same spirit, Julia and I.

But even though there’s nothing greater than drinking near, on, or in a body of water during the summer, you have to remember to stay hydrated with actual water. Trust me, this one has taken me down before. I seriously hate drinking plain water (I mean, it’s just so boring) so I like to keep a pitcher filled with cucumbers, lemons, limes, berries, and other stuff that tricks you into thinking you’re drinking something other than plain water.

And since woman cannot survive on plain water alone (no good story ever started with, “So we were drinking our sparkling water…”) here’s an awesome recipe for Sparkling Rose Blueberry Floats. It’s basically fruit salad in a glass. So you’re being healthy. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

If you’re looking for other ways to drink more water, Melyssa Griffin has a really smart idea.

Don’t Be a Beached Whale

Wait, stop, don’t throw tomatoes at me yet. What I mean is Don’t just sit there, do something! Everyone thinks, “Oh, it’s a day at the beach. I’m going to sit my ass in the sand and not move.” Blessings to you, but I know I can’t sit around and eat and drink like a fish without puffing up like a fish, too, so I need to make sure I’m doing something.

I don’t want to be bouncing around the beach with little to no insurance for keeping things in place, if you know what I’m saying. I want to run around and play and for that, I need something that keeps things together. Adore Me has a great line of swimwear that is cute but it flattering for all body types, whether you want to cover up a bit more, show off your curves, run in the sand, and everything in between.

What are your beach essentials (or sunny day necessities)?

**Adore Me asked me to write about my beach essentials, but they have in no way influenced this list or provided compensation for the post. Plus, I thought it was an interesting prompt!

New Mantra: Be The Fluff

A few months ago, I had a quarter life crisis conversation. I was on the phone with my mom (yes, more stories about conversations with my mom. What can I say, she’s very wise) and I was whining about my job. I was all salty because I was going to be 26 and at the time, I worked at an entry level position.

It definitely wasn’t where I thought I’d be at 26.

So there I am, getting all frustrated and angry and I said to her, “What the hell have I been doing wrong for these past four years since I graduated?? I have two (very expensive) pieces of paper that are doing me absolutely no good! I’m basically in the same job I was in when I graduated, except now I have benefits. What happened to this alumni network that supposedly could get me into my dream position anywhere I wanted?”

Granted, I know it isn’t that easy, but I had had a bad day and I was feeling overworked and way undervalued. And like I should be a few levels up by that point.

“You haven’t learned to be the fluff,” she said to me. “Learn to be the fluff.”

Okay…. “The fluff. What’s the fluff?”

Here's your new mantra: Be the fluff! Love it! Great reminder to enjoy life, have fun, and relax a little.

You know that classic scene: three people are standing around watching the fourth person do all the hard work?

The “fluff” are the three people who stand around and smile and are talkative and chipper and happy because they aren’t the ones banging their heads against the wall trying to get everything done. They’re watching the other person run around and hold everything together.

Basically the fluff is the fun person to be around. It’s the foam in the latte.

Everyone likes the foam; that’s the best part of a latte, but everyone knows they aren’t drinking the latte for the foam, they’re really drinking the latte for the caffeine. That’s my problem. I’m the caffeine, not the foam.

Now, I’m not saying to chuck your work ethic out the door. I’m saying learn to be the fun part. Shake that chip off your shoulder. It probably wants to be with guacamole anyway (no offense).

In other words… Create space to let happiness and joy radiate from you. Marvel at the infinite possibilities of the universe. Never lose your childish sense of wonder. Other inspirational cliches here.

In other words: chill for a hot minute.

I know, I know. I can say this, but am I actually doing it? I’m not qualified to be a therapist and I’m sure as hell not a motivational speaker, but I am qualified to write words and string them into a fairly convincing sentence (that’s what one of the very expensive pieces of paper says anyway). And that’s all well and good, but it doesn’t do anything unless I actually live it.

Well, that was a few months ago and I still haven’t embraced the fluff persona. I’m still the caffeine, probably because I drink enough of it, my body is actually mostly coffee instead of water. But I’m trying.

I could sit at my computer and agonize over the clients I don’t have, the money I need, the work I should be completing. But that’s not doing any good. Instead, I’m trying to be the fluff. If I feel like going for a run at 3 in the afternoon just to get away from my desk, I do. Emails can wait. That post won’t get written any better if I force it out in a creative slump. As long as the work gets done, I’m choosing to do it the way I want to do it.

Maybe you don’t have that luxury. That’s okay. Just do something today that feels “fluffy” to you. What could that be?

  • Eating dinner in the living room in front of the TV instead of at the dining room table. Sometimes it feels good to do that, even though it isn’t the best practice for you.
  • Going for a walk at lunch instead of answering emails. Like I said, they can wait.
  • Having a latte instead of your normal house cup. Treat yo’self to some literal fluff.

Basically anything that feels like you’re giving yourself a little break.

When life gets you so stressed out t0 the point where your shoulders are up around your ears and you’re ready to snap, just remember your new mantra: be the fluff.

How are you going to be the fluff today?

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