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Gardening in High Heels

cultivate a beautiful life

July 18, 2016

Patience. Or: How to be Patient

July 18, 2016

“Angelica, patience is not our virtue,” is something I heard a lot when I was growing up. I was always told I’m not a patient person, so I believed that story: You aren’t patient. You have to work at being patient. It’s a mantra I got from my mom.

Trust me, there are tons of times when I see lack of patience showing through. Goals for me are big-time patience-killers. I want something right now when I decide to put my mind to it. Not that I don’t work hard for what I have or expect things to be handed to me. I expect immediate, visible change. Exercise is where it really shows up for me. I ran 5 miles today, why don’t I have awesome legs and killer abs??

Remember my body image issues?

So there’s something I’ve been wondering a lot recently. When does patience turn into passivity? At what point point do you just let people walk all over you at their own pace in the name of “patience”?

When does patience turn into passivity? At what point point do you just let people walk all over you at their own pace in the name of "patience"? The answer is boundaries!

I fancy myself the strong, silent type who doesn’t make waves but still speak up for herself when necessary. A quiet leader who doesn’t need fanfare. But in reality, I’m not living that image of myself. I let things happen to me, especially when I think that presenting a strong opposing stance (in my best interest) will change the other person’s perception of me as the “nice girl.”

Something I admire greatly about my best friend is that she decides what she wants and makes the decision for herself to get it, do it, be it. She will think about others, sure, but her ultimate decision is in the best interest for what she wants to accomplish in her life. She doesn’t wait for the right time, or let someone dictate the terms of her life. She’s another person who wants that immediate result, so she makes it happen.

It goes back to boundaries, like I wrote about last week. Boundaries are tricky but a solid indicator of what you will and won’t stand for. It’s your guiding light.

Man I love when shit ties together like this.

When do you think patience turns into passivity?

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Leave a Comment · Labels: Good Question Tagged: monday musings, motivation, patience

July 17, 2016

Sunday Lately, 81

July 17, 2016

Sunday Lately is a weekly link up brought to you by the Blogger Tribe. Link up and see what's been happening lately!Sunday Lately is a weekly linkup hosted by the Blogger Tribe (which is being fearlessly lead by Meghan, Nicole, Katy, and myself). We e-hang out every Sunday, sharing a small glimpse into the last week of life in our own worlds. We’d love if you could join us!
This week’s themes: Planning, Loving, Reading, Wishing, Feeling

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We’re doing Sunday LATEly around here today. And we’re doing it fast.

Planning

I bought a new Happy Planner for the rest of 2016 and 2017. It was half off at Pat Catan’s, so for $14, how could I not? I really do want the new rose gold horizontal layout, though I went with the Sugar & Type style since they didn’t have the rose gold (and won’t for a while since Hobby Lobby has exclusivity.)

I also really want a Get to Work Book for 2017, so who knows what planner I’m planning to stay with.

Loving

I turned on the air conditioning in my house yesterday for a mastermind group (normally I just sweat it out) and I was loving not sweating in my house. I had it on for a bit today, too, but the weather doesn’t seem to be as humid as other days here. I do like that the weather has been making my flowers thrive. How pretty are my violas?

Pretty violas! Great potted flowers for summer in such vibrant shades!

Reading

I should get started with Doing Good Is Simple by Chris Marlow. I was sent it for review. I’m in the middle of Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (it’s the Create Lounge book club book this month) and I’ve been stuck on a Netflix kick so reading isn’t happening much.

Wishing

I wish for just a little bit more mild weather. At least for the humidity to back off a bit. Today felt really nice not to deal with it.

Feeling

I’ve been feeling a little off. I’ve also been feeling the pressure to come up with an awesome (and easy to DIY since I’m broke) nail art look for an event I’ve been invited to on Wednesday. It’s called Gemstones and Gelato. I want an opal-ish mani so I can try on some opals and eat some pastel ice cream and I can entirely match.

What have you been up to lately?

An InLinkz Link-up


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Leave a Comment · Labels: Life, Right Now Tagged: link up, sunday lately, weekly round up, weekly wrap up

July 11, 2016

Need Boundaries? Ask Yourself This.

July 11, 2016

This week on Sunday Lately, I wrote a bit about boundaries and how they felt limiting. I’ve always thought that having boundaries meant you said no a lot. And in a sense, that’s true, but so much more goes into it than just saying No.

Oooh, I can hear you now… “Angelica, how much more?” I’m glad you asked! Why? Because I have struggled with setting boundaries (I have an aversion to the word no) and just a little mindset shift has been helpful for me so maybe it’ll be helpful for you, too.

Setting boundaries doesn't have to be a hard and fast yes or no. It's all about honoring your intentions and asking yourself one simple question. So helpful to look at it this way!

First, a little backstory.

I used to think that boundaries were constricting and that it meant choosing myself over everyone else in a greedy way. When presented with the option, I always picked everyone else over myself. It’s just how I am. I’m a people-pleaser. And it got to the point of resentment. I’d feel resentful for doing things for others. That’s not cool, man. I wanted to help.

It goes hand in hand with not asking for help. I see asking for help as a sign of personal weakness, that I’m admitting defeat and saying that I can’t handle it, which is another conversation straight from Daring Greatly by Brene Brown for another day.

What were we talking about? Right, boundaries. I’ve noticed that I’m most resistant to things that I know will take a lot of work but will also help me the most.

Setting boundaries in and of itself felt constricting, like I always had to say When presented with Situation Y, I must always answer with Z. And I didn’t like that. As much as I like plans and order, I want to have the ability to change my answer. But you can’t do that when you think boundaries mean always answering the same way (no) to certain requests.

See my conundrum now?

My question up until recently was: how do you hold yourself to (seemingly inflexible) boundaries while wanting to be able to change your mind?

It isn’t about asking What would make me happy? which, I mean, is a valid question, but that’s so vague and takes a lot more work to get to the heart of why you’re saying yes or no.

Instead, ask yourself: what will make me feel comfortable saying yes to this request? Repeat that with me, chickadess. What will make me feel comfortable saying yes to this request?

Kinda like saying yes to the dress. But not. Because this isn’t a dress. Anyway.

Re-framing how you look at boundaries as This is how I want people to treat me feels better. It’s not no, it’s I’d appreciate your understanding that I cannot do that right now, but I can help you this way. You’re still saying no to the request (really, still saying yes) but doing so in a way that feels more comfortable.

And of course, that also means that you get to say yes to other things, too. Like projects you want to do or collaborations that really excite you.

It’s all about honoring your intentions and your values. What do you prioritize? What will make you feel in control? What will make you feel like yourself?

As a recovering people-pleaser, I’m always trying to figure out how to value others’ requests while still making myself feel free and giving of help.

To get a little woo-woo here, setting boundaries teaches the Universe what you truly prioritize, too, and lets it know what opportunities to send your way way. For example: if the Universe knows I’ll say yes to anything, it’ll throw anything my way. If it knows I only want to be open to work on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings, it’ll send quality opportunities to me on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings. Cool, right?

To recap: life with boundaries looks like more intention, more flow, more flexibility. Life without boundaries looks like resentment, restriction (ironically) and constriction. Oh, and constantly feeling like you need to please everyone before you can start on yourself. Life without boundaries seems kinda like the loser here, no?

Where do you feel like you need to have a few more boundaries but are stuck putting them in place? Let me know if this trick worked for you!

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Leave a Comment · Labels: Motivation Tagged: boundaries, focused intention, monday musings, say yes, self-love, set the intention

July 10, 2016

Sunday Lately, 80

July 10, 2016

Sunday Lately is a weekly link up brought to you by the Blogger Tribe. Link up and see what's been happening lately!Sunday Lately is a weekly linkup hosted by the Blogger Tribe (which is being fearlessly lead by Meghan, Nicole, Katy, and myself). We e-hang out every Sunday, sharing a small glimpse into the last week of life in our own worlds. We’d love if you could join us!
This week’s themes: Completing, Visiting, Repeating, Writing, Scheduling

 

Completing

Awkward: I wrote my first post for AngelicaRoss.co last week about the importance of having an email list…before I had my email collection form all set up. Yep. I know. Awkward.

Awesome: I finally sat down and batched out some graphics for this blog so I have more posts than just Sunday Lately to share! I wrote this one last week about making changes if you only had a year left on earth.

Visiting

Awkward: I’m not sure what’s been awkward to visit. Life lesson: don’t think something will be awkward and it won’t be.

Awesome: I will soon be visiting the Pilates studio a lot more coming up soon. Joseph Pilates says that it takes 10 sessions for you to notice a change, 20 for others to see it, and 30 for a whole new body. So I’m challenging myself to see what happens in 30 Pilates classes. And of course, writing about it!

Repeating

Awkward: It’s so much harder to write these “awkward” categories instead of the “awesome” ones. Repeated headdeak-ing happening with the awkward categories today so much.

Awesome: “Focused Intention.” I’m working with my friend who’s starting a coaching business and last week’s session was all about boundaries. I have been thinking of boundaries as limiting, but with her help, I was able to see how they can give you focus and work with intention. I love that instead of thinking “A boundary is saying no.”

Woo woo alert: we also pulled the same Goddess Card, Diana, during the call. How freaky but magical!

Writing

Awkward: Dude, it was awkward to write about social media and email lists after I haven’t really been writing about that in a while. It took a little more practice than I thought.

Awesome: See Visiting: Awesome. I’m a little nervous to be sharing pictures of my non-Pilates body, but I can’t wait to document it and help out a fantastic local studio.

Scheduling

Awkward: I think I’ve been mostly scheduling non-awkward stuff. So go me? This one is a bust, too.

Awesome: After waiting since mid-October 2015, I finally have an appointment scheduled to replace the clutch in my (automatic transmission) car. I know, a clutch is a clutch and it doesn’t matter if you drive stick or automatic, but it’s still puzzling that it would go bad so quickly. Apparently others have this problem, too, and that’s why it’s been on national backorder for almost 9 months.

What have you been up to lately? Link up with us (even an Instagram post can be linked)!

An InLinkz Link-up


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3 Comments · Labels: Awkward & Awesome, Life, Right Now Tagged: Awesome, Awkward, link up, sunday lately, weekly round up, weekly wrap up

July 8, 2016

Would you change?

July 8, 2016

There’s this site that has 36 questions and it’ll apparently make you fall in love with anyone. I kept it bookmarked in my inbox because I knew some day, I would be stuck for a topic, but I didn’t read any of the questions yet. I went through them and stopped at 19 (though all of them are thought-provoking) this one hit me, hard:

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I would laugh louder, dream bigger, adventure harder, relax faithfully, meditate purposefully…basically everything we are encouraged to do to live a full life right now.

It’s so easy to say, “Oh, I have my whole life to do that, it can wait.” Or maybe you’re thinking, “I have my whole life, I don’t want to screw up my relationships, finances, others’ opinions of me, etc,” so you don’t do anything at all and just use the insanity definition of “I won’t change anything but maybe the outcome will be different.”

The interesting thing about this question is the deadline. One year. That puts some immediacy on it. And forces you to look at what’s really important to you. Think about the things that you’d change if you only had a year. Those are the responses that are important to you.

Personally, I would speak my truth more, try to erase uncertainty in my choices, re-learn how to play guitar, make something big (like a quilt), meditate by a river preferably with a waterfall that I could jump off of, cultivate deep passion, travel around to meet you lovely lady readers of mine, take lots of pictures and actually print them out.

Some things are project goals that I can check  off, others are maintenance goals that have to be worked at each day.

What would you change if you only had a year? Interesting read about standing up for what you believe in and changing hard habits.

I know there would be some people that would run away and hide or who would make all the necessary preparations (which is much more likely what I’d do) so your friends and family are set up.

I’d really like to think that I’d be brave enough to find my voice and my feet and make some kind of impact, even if it’s something small. There’s 365 days to do something, anything.

So if you only had a year, would you change anything?

PS: need some ideas to get your change started? Molly Mahar has eight ways to improve your quality of life (super simple things) and I have a list of people I like to get inspiration from when I’m stuck here.

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Leave a Comment · Labels: Good Question Tagged: be brave, change, inspiration, motivation

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Who’s Angelica?

Life Un-styled Blogger, Gardener, Shoe Lover..among other things

I'm here to encourage and empower you to grow where you're planted and embrace the weeds that sometimes pop up. I'll share inspiration, products I like (and you may too), and stories from the garden.

Gardening In High Heels is for badass babes who aren’t afraid to get a little messy. Want to learn more? Start here.
           

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