It’s no secret I’m on the hunt for a new place (when something is happening in my life, it’s all I talk about; I’m a broken record that way). And my goodness, if finding a new place to live isn’t like dating, then I don’t know what it is. It takes a special listing to get the girl and Pittsburgh, lots of you are doing it wrong.

First, let’s talk about your picture. If you want me to click on your listing, you best have a least one picture that isn’t blurry and was taken in the last year. And it better be a real photo of you, not the same standard “model apartment” shots that your 10 other listings have.

Oh yeah, why do you feel the need to spam us with your other listings? Can’t you just say, “Call Stephanie and ask about our other availabilities”? It seems to me that it’s harder to write 10 different listings, but whatever. It’s like Tom Haverford and his 26 profiles, only distinguishable by middle initial.

Now how about that listing title. “Charming and quiet” tells me nothing. A much more appealing headline would be, “Charming 1 bedroom apartment in quiet neighborhood.” Much better. If I feel like you’ll satisfy what I’m looking for with just a quick snapshot of what you offer, I’m much more likely to click on your listing. Who knows, I may even schedule a showing. Crazy!

Once you get into the listing, then the fun really gets going.

If you type in all caps, I’m out. I don’t want a landlord who yells at me. Ditto Every Word Being Capitalized. If you can’t figure out the English language in a grammatically correct fashion, I don’t know if we have any chance at communicating on a meaningful level.

Now, I understand, you don’t want to give it all away up front, but a little info is nice. What’s included in the rent? Do I get a parking spot? How about pets? These are standard questions that would make this process go a lot more smoothly and help you weed out the unnecessary applicants. Why waste your time showing an apartment if the girl has a cat and your building is deathly allergic to felines of any kind?

And you better not be fibbing about your square footage. What a disappointment that can turn out to be.

How’s your luck when it comes to dating in the real estate world?