Gardening in High Heels

cultivate a beautiful life

Do you know what you don’t want?

I have had this Clarity Gem from Clarity on Fire saved to write about for such a long time and I haven’t created it.  It’s talking about taking what you don’t want and transitioning it to what you do want.

Go listen to it.  It’ll only take 8 minutes.

Good?  Okay.  I was initially going to follow up Why Getting Fired Was Good For Me, but now it has more meaning in a different form.  Things come back when we most need them.

Like I wrote last week, I’m a little stuck in planning and not focused enough on doing without Knowing what you don't want is better than knowing what you do.making sure everything is perfect first.  Along with that, I’m not sure where I want to go with SynEr and my career and freelance and such.

As Rachel and Kristen say, when we get stuck in the suckitude of what we don’t like, that’s all we can think about sometimes.  We know really quickly what we don’t want and what we don’t like, but it’s harder to come up with what we do enjoy.

“I would do what I loved if I knew what I wanted to do, but all I know is what sucks.”

Makes perfect sense to me.  It’s hard to turn around and say to myself, “Here’s what I’m so excited about.”  Probably just like it’s easier to forget the good and focus on the bad.

When that happens, they recommend to take a second and think about the bad.  What don’t you want?  Then turn it on its head and figure out what the opposite is.  The example Rachel gave is feeling pressure.  The opposite of that for her is ease, relief, simplicity.  Kristen felt stifled, like she was suffocating.  The opposite for her was feeling spacious, like she had room to be creative and wouldn’t have to hide who she is.

This actually came up for me before I listened to the clarity gem all the way through.  I was having a discussion with Marissa and the same feeling came up for her, too.

My advice?  Figure out what you don’t like first.

Then I was trying to figure out what I want to write about for PCBN because Jason, bless his heart, was like, “Write about anything!”  In a total nonsensical paradox, it seems limiting to figure out what to write since there are so many options.

The easiest way for me to narrow it down was to write down what I don’t want to do and what angle I don’t want to take.  It really helped to put it into perspective and figure out, Okay, this isn’t what will work, so I can cross those off the list.

I’m also going through the Holiday Council with Stratejoy, and creating my plan for next year.  I settled on my “word” a while ago, but I want it to have a little more oomph.  “Focus” is a nice word, but it seems more like a command than a directive.  With this method, I know what I don’t like about it, and instead can find a word that has a little more power.

I’m really quite enjoying this opposite thing.  It’s perfect timing with New Year’s; we’re all trying to figure out our grandiose new direction for 2015.  I’m totally employing it to help unstick whatever’s stuck with me writing-wise.

What do you do when you need to figure out the answer to a big “something”?

Not my circus, part two

I was reading a blog post from Clarity on Fire and it hit a nerve.  This was perfect timing because I was thinking something similar to the situation in the post it came from – not the part about breaking up with toxic friends, because I’m pretty good at the moment, the part about people not being respectful of my time.  Rachel explained my sentiments pretty perfectly:

Personally, I tend to get pretty miffed when people are rude. Take, for example, when I schedule a free breakthrough coaching session with someone, we confirm the call the day before, and then they totally ghost me. They don’t bother to send a, “Sorry, can we reschedule?” email or a quick text that they can’t make it. Nothin’.

Part of my day job duties include scheduling appointments with people so I can help them with their marketing strategy or program in general.  The other day, every single scheduled appointment I had didn’t answer when I called them.  It wasn’t like I was Rambo-ing into their day and catching them off guard, these were mutually agreed upon times.

It really kills my day’s momentum when I have to stop what I’m doing to make sure I call these people on time.  It takes time for my brain to shift gears and prepare for the next task at hand.  Similarly, it takes time to refocus on what I was doing.

It smacks of not having consideration for the people around you.  I understand that some people forget or something comes up last minute; I’m not begrudging anyone of that and I’ve been guilty of it myself.  I’m talking about people who make it a regular occurrence.  Why is this okay to say to give the message that you just can’t be bothered to be considerate?

We were taught to say please and thank you.  Well, I hope we all were.  How many of you didn’t get a thank you on Halloween when passing out candy, hmm?  This self-centered attitude we’ve adopted is a big problem.

What I loved about the Clarity on Fire post is this simple reminder:

What other people say and do is about them. Not me. In fact, it never says anything about me.

Their actions are not a reflection of me.  I am not responsible for people not answering the phone.  Thank goodness we have a good note-taking system at work to prove that I did call them if there’s ever a dispute!  I am also not responsible to parent someone’s child and demand a thank you for providing free candy.

I can only control my actions.

It reminds me so much of “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”  Rachel even said that in her post, too!

What’s great about this is it works in both the positive and the negative sense.  Of course, if you blow off an appointment, it says you don’t care much for other people’s time.  On the flip side, if you do give someone a heads up that you will be a few minutes late or you go out of your way to hold the door for someone, it says that you are a respectful individual.

So today I’d like to ask you to bring back politeness.  Leave something in the world today that shows you are a decent member of society.  Let’s bring back being considerate and thinking about how your actions will effect others and how your actions make you look in turn.

Comment below and let me know what you’re going to do today to make yourself a reflection of how you really want to be known!

What other people say and do is about them, not me

PS: Don’t forget to enter the Miglio Jewelry USA Giveaway!

Get your organization on with the Post-it Study Notebook Kit

If you know me at all, you know I’m a Post-it hoarder.  It’s slightly embarrassing to admit that I probably have more sticky notes than I could possibly use in a reasonable amount of time.  I have no idea where the obsession came from, but it’s here, it’s real, get used to it.

Get organized with the Post it Study Notebook Kit

I usually keep a small pad of notes stuck to the back of my Moleskine planner to jot down quick notes, lists, or whatever thoughts I need to move from place to place.  So when I had the chance to try out the Post-it Study Notebook Kit, I was all about it.

Love my Post it Study Notebook Kit in my Moleskine planner

The pad just sticks into the back of your notebook.  It can be repositioned (it is Post-it after all!) and folds in when you aren’t using it.  It doesn’t take up much room when folded and it says flat when it’s open.

Just peel and stick the Post it Study Notebook Kit anywhere

Post It Study Notes in a notebook

I love how it has 2″ x 2″ notes and flags in easy reach for any kind of reminder I need.  I usually don’t use a lot of flags in my planner, but I do like them to mark different sections and months.

Post it Study Notebook Kit folds out and lays so flat

Lately, I’ve been using Post-it Notes while grocery shopping.  I use the e-offers available from the Giant Eagle app, but they’re really specific.  Without fail, I will forget which exact product qualifies, so I’ll go through and write down all the e-offers I have available for me to use on one note along with any other coupons I will use.  Then on another note, I write out my list.  That way I can easily see what I can save and what I need.  I like having two separate notes because if I have e-offers left over, I’ll just cross off the used offers and keep the list in my planner for next time.  Then I just recycle the grocery list.

Post-it Notes also are indispensable for me at work.  I write down one task on a small note and stick it to the wall above my computer.  When the task is complete, the note gets recycled.  I don’t like having tons of notes cluttering up my wall, so having one idea per note keeps me focused and I can visually gauge how much work I have yet to accomplish.

Big ideas go on bigger notes.  Anything that isn’t a task, but rather something I want to remember or be sure to mention to someone gets a big note.  It visually takes up more space and shows importance, but it also allows me more space to write details.

How do you use Post-it Notes to stay organized or how would you use the Post-it Study Notebook Kit?

Disclaimer: I signed up to have Post-it send me this kit to try out.  I wouldn’t be telling you about this if I didn’t really love it (they’re Post-its, come on, of course I do).  As always, all opinions are my own.

Questioning your way to happiness

Do you ever think about where you’d be if big life events were handled differently?  When I was in high school. I almost changed my acceptance at Penn State from the main campus to a branch (I’m sorry, satellite) campus.  My mother told me I was insane and I’m glad I listened to her.  Then, during my first semester, I was so close to transferring to Pitt or a school closer to home.

I’m still proud to say I was accepted at the UPark campus as an incoming freshman and graduated with two degrees in three and a half years.  But I never would have gotten the chance to say that if I changed campuses.

Going even further back, what if I pursued my desire to attend Boston College for no other reason than I just wanted to be somewhere other than Pittsburgh?  What if my parents hadn’t moved back to Pennsylvania from Texas?  I could have an adorable southern accent.

What about things that I didn’t choose, like what if my mom didn’t move out of town or my father didn’t get sick?  Or I wasn’t prey of a mentally manipulative person that made years of my life a living hell?

All of these things can shape you as a person.

I don’t think that’s dwelling on the past to ask these what-if questions.  If you fantasize about them and lose touch with what’s happening around you because you’re so wrapped up in these thoughts, then that’s a bad thing.  But I think it’s good to reflect on experiences that you have and appreciate where you’ve come from and where you’re going.

The keyword is appreciate.  Even bad things, like being late.  They give you strength, grace, understanding, compassion.  Maybe even happiness.

Moderation. Small Helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets to happiness and good health. You need to enjoy the good things in life, but you need not overindulge. -Julia Child

The other night at our Levo meeting, Britt Reints talked about the importance of practicing gratuity.  Being grateful is something we actively have to practice in order to find happiness, to appreciate life, to see how much you’ve grown.

Did you know that your happiness has a ripple effect?  There are three degrees of separation between you and the people who can feel the positive vibes of you being happy.

Did you also know that people who practice gratitude are 25% happier than people who don’t?

With all of this happy research to persuade me, I started my gratitude practice again.  I was doing for a while with Emily Levenson’s Project Miracles but lost it when I lost the accountability of doing it in a group setting.  But the fantastic thing is that you can pick it back up any time you want.

Sure, it’s hard to say, “I’m grateful for this shitty situation that I’m in,” but the more you do it, the easier it is.  And those thoughts are just as valid and relevant to your happiness as a positive thought.

What I love is that it serves as a guide for you to say, “This is what makes me happy.”  It’s there in black and white.  And it forces you to use your gut.  I’m horrible at making decisions; consciously thinking about what you are grateful for strengthens your intuitive powers.

So I challenge you to start practicing gratitude.  What’s something for which you’re grateful?  It can be something that shaped you into the person you are now or just something good that happened today.

A love note to Moop (and how to style a crossbody bag)

Part of my job with Yelp Pittsburgh includes organizing events.  We recently wrapped up a month-long celebration of style called Yelp’s Fashionably Local.  While we were hosted by some great boutiques in the ‘Burgh, I was the most excited for Moop, a (pretty awesomely big deal) creator of bags designed and manufactured in Pittsburgh.

Moop Paperback MiniI have a pretty serious accessory collection.  I think it stems back to childhood when I would love to squirrel away little trinkets in purses and play with my grandma’s jewelry collection.  She always let me “organize” it, which was my way of saying, “I’m going to play with your necklaces and rings now.”

Thanks in part to my boyfriend who helps to fuel my addiction, I have three of Wendy’s well-crafted Moop bags.  I love Moop so much.  The style is tops, naturally, but the quality of the bags are stellar.  I throw everything and then sometimes the kitchen sink in my bag almost daily and these babies are sturdy.

I went in to the event on Saturday knowing I’d purchase one of their bags but it was a toss up between the Paperback and the Paperback Mini.  I already have the Letter Clutch, which is similar to the Paperback in terms of what I’d use it for, so I went for the Mini.  The deciding factor was how Wendy styled it.

Wear a crossbody bag at your waist

As a “fanny pack!”  Only so much cooler.  And a total Game. Changer.  I was prepared to just slide the long strap through the D-ring and clip it like a belt, but Wendy is so awesome, she cut the strap so it fits around my waist perfectly.  Bonus, you don’t get that boob-split like you do with crossbody bags (though I do have a long strap to wear it that way, too).

There is nothing better than being totally hands-free and able to have easy access to essentials: phone, keys, money, lip balm.  It’s currently living inside my Letter Bag as an essential-corral that will move from purse to purse and join me in Baltimore next weekend.

How to style a crossbody bag

How do you wear your crossbody bag?

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