I’m not a huge TV watcher. When I come home from work, I’m either working on freelance, developing things for this blog, feeling guilty for not more frequently guest posting for PghCBN, or trying to give my eyes a break from screens.
Long story short, when I do actually watch TV, it’s usually some dumb zone-out reality show. I know, they are total trash, but I really just want to not think about my job and responsibilities and get absorbed in someone else’s life for 45 minutes.
I fully buy in to competition reality shows. I love seeing deserving people win $10,000 for putting together an edible meal made with pickled chicken parts, gummy worms, and some weird looking squash. And then Vanderpump Rules because omg the drama. And the clothes. And the drama.
But I still love to make fun of this trash that advertisers support knowing that we’ll overlook some of these cliches.
Why are you crying?
If I were on a competition show, my nerves would be shot, too. When I’m maxed out, I tend to break down and have myself a good cry. But I prefer to do that alone. Sometimes Jonathan sees it.
I don’t want someone who is judging me to see me cry, though. If I can’t keep it together while I’m baking cupcakes or something, why would Gordon Ramsay trust me with his restaurant? Maybe going on a competition reality show isn’t the most mentally sound decision someone should make this week.
We can tell he’s only dating you because you’re on TV, why can’t you?
So you’re sitting around, bummed that you can’t get a date. You’re pretty, intelligent, and miraculously into sports.
“I know!” you exclaim. “I’ll go on a reality show to find quality men and the prize will be a lifetime together with me!”
Oh sweetie, oh honey, no. What is wrong with you that you need to go on a reality show to find the love of your life? Haven’t you seen the tabloids?! The last 10 of you already tried that and the guy either cheated or they got divorced.
Maybe that was a little harsh, but really.
Yes, we all are here to win.
The cliches of, “I’m here to win!” and, “I know I rocked that round” are just obnoxious filler. Of course you’re here to win! No one says, “I’m here to lose. I’m just happy I made it here.”
You’re running around the world to win a million dollars. Of course you’re not putting yourself through that without the end goal of winning a million dollars!
Plus, the people who say, “I made the best dish in that round” are clearly jinxing themselves.
We know you got that job because you’re on TV.
I’m sure you’re a great writer and you’re qualified to write a makeup series simply because your bathroom looks like a new Sephora location. But I know just as well as everyone else that the only reason why that blog will pay you to write is so you’ll talk about it on your cable TV show and drive traffic to their site.
Clever PR move. Kudos!
The really drunk girl.
I understand you need to drink to cope, but why oh why are you letting yourself get this horrifically, embarrassingly drunk? You are on national TV!
Not only are you glorifying black-out-drunk drinking, you’re making yourself look really stupid. I’m sure your new blog contact is so thrilled that you’re representing them.
