Gardening in High Heels

cultivate a beautiful life

Follow the fun.

Follow the fun. It’s a phrase my business coach says often. And not in a way like @mybizcoachsays, not a sarcastic / “Ugh, of course that would happen” kind of way.

No, she says it in a truly guiding capacity.

Follow the fun.

Here’s the thing… Blogging started to suck with the rise of Pinterest. For folks who liked to write just to write (ahem, hello, it me) the “need” to have a perfect on-brand post and picture and experience and email opt-in and lead magnet and.. You get the idea. Blogging was no longer “publish words in a format that allows other to connect with you.” Blogging was a machine. Still is.

But what about those people who like to write, but didn’t necessarily love the other stuff? I tried to love the other stuff. In fact, I got quite good at it. But eventually, it wasn’t fun anymore. It was something I had to do because I liked the writing and connecting part.

There was such a big part of me that missed blogging to write and connect, though, and I decided to use my theme this year (“LIGHT” if you’re wondering) and the guiding principles of spreading light, being light from within, and replenishing light, and the idea of following the fun, to dust off blogging for blogging sake.

Make it fun again. Write what feels good in my heart to write. I know the “riches are in the niches” and for that, I have my business blog. This, on the other hand, can be for fun.

So here we are. The beginning of 2020. The first post in literally years that I wrote because I wanted to. The first post that wasn’t planned, doesn’t have a CTA, that’s devoid of a branded Pinterest-style image.

Just real stories, real thoughts, real observations, real pondering.

Do you ever get tired of your own bullshit?

Do you ever get tired of your own bullshit? And no, not asking for a friend. Asking for myself, straight up, no twist. I’ve given too much power to junk if you ask me. There are external and environmental and psychological factors that go into it. I mean, that’s just natural. But when I really think about it, I could have done something (even if it’s a small something, just something) to make a move. Instead, I chose to remain stuck by my own personal brand of bullshit. And I’m tired of sitting in my own crap, y’know what I’m saying?

In other words, I’m tired of getting in my own way.

If you feel it, too, this post is for you. (And all you *NSYNC fans.)

Sidebar: I legitimately had to Google and eventually look on iTunes to find the correct apostrophe placement for *NSYNC. And then learn that it’s an asterisk, not an apostrophe. When they were popular, I was unapologetically into country music to the detriment of many sleepover singalongs. I had to learn to love them later in life. Just to give you a frame of reference. In case you were wondering. I’m sure you were.

As I was saying…

Sometimes you just have to get tired enough of your own crap to decide it's time to make a change. When do you know it's time? Here are some tools that can help.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about mindset shifts. I even wrote a bit about it on my official website and business-y blog. The power you hold in your mind is incredible. You can will the Universe to do anything you want it to. I mean, I’m sure there are exceptions, but you can actually make things happen using the power of your mind. The most recent book I read to illustrate this is E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality by Pam Grout.

In this book, Grout outlines 9 experiments you can do that take about 48 hours each to complete in order to hone your energetic powers and align them with your desires and the world around you.

At first blush, this sounds too good to be true. As I was reading it, I was conjuring up the scene in Sex and the City where Charlotte takes Carrie to a seminar run by Dr. Cheryl Grayson whose belief in written affirmations were turning around Charlotte’s negative thoughts. A greeter asks the women if they’d like to take a written affirmation. They both oblige, but Charlotte is way more into it than Carrie. Carrie’s “affirmation” is, “I believe this is hooey.”

via GIPHY

Another sidebar: Yes, I know that’s Samantha. I have the entire SATC series on DVD. I saw both movies in theaters (with my mom) and own deluxe versions of both as well as the trivia game. You cannot beat me when it comes to SATC knowledge and I can apply any scene to a real-life situation. Like Gilmore Girls or The Office.

But I heard good things about the book from Emily Levenson and I figured I’d give it a try. It was available at the library and as long as I didn’t go over the due date limit, the only investment I’d make is a few hours of my time.

Holy shit, guys. If you give yourself over to it, there is power in this theory. Grout references scientists who are working with this extra dimension. She gives examples of how this worked for people around her (and herself. I don’t care who you are, but if you don’t take a modicum of your own advice, you’re not credible.) She talks about the Field of Potentiality (FP) being a blanket for the Universe and how it basically has your back no matter what. Moving forward, I’ll call it the Universe since that’s how I grew up thinking about it.

Seeing is believing, though, and a few of her experiments hit home pretty hard. The first was to ask the FP for a gift as a sign that it’s there for you. I added a layer on top to know, deep down, that this was my sign when I received it. As I was wrapping up my “ask” from the Universe, my phone alerted me to an email I’ve been waiting on for three weeks.

Since that came in pretty easy, I moved on to the next experiment. For 24 hours, focus your attention on spotting cars in a certain color. Then move on to spotting butterflies. I found butterflies where I usually don’t (like on the screen behind me as my friend, Caitlin of Wellness by Walker, and I were having a chill afternoon on my porch this weekend.)

A sidebar again: Honestly, I’ve been reading a lot of mindset shift books. It’s gotten to the point where I’ll reference the genre and get so excited, I smoosh the genre name together and create a new word. Granted, it’s usually accidental. That said, if I ever write my own book, it’ll be called Mindshit: Let go of all the crap you’ve been holding in.

I’ve been holding on to my own sad beliefs for way too long. I’m tired of myself. I’m 99% sure I’ve even tired my friends from listening to my same old story and watching the same old dance. It isn’t until we’re so sick of being with ourselves that we look for a new way. At least, that’s how it works for me. It must be that way for some of you, too.

When do you know it’s time to tell yourself another story? When do you know you’re tired of your own bullshit?

(And I know, I’ve been “coming back” to the blogging world for years. I never really left, I just shifted how it looked. But I’m back for now. Hey, I’ve been doing this since 2009, a girl needs a break…)

*Link to E-Squared is an Amazon Affiliate Link. You pay nothing extra should you choose to purchase this book through my link. I get a few cents to add to my coffee/booze fund. Trust me, my writing is better when that fund is well-stocked. Thanks for supporting your friendly neighborhood author!

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Can you hear you?

“I wanted to make sure you could hear you.”

Colleen Donaghy, played by Elaine Stritch, spits out this line in the “Hiatus” episode of 30 Rock. Let me set the scene… She’s at dinner with Jack and his fiancee, Phoebe. Phoebe says that she wants to get married in the spring as the petunias start to bloom. Colleen asks what she said and Phoebe repeats herself. Again, Colleen says, “What?” and Phoebe turns to Jack and asks if she’s hard of hearing.

That’s when this line comes out: “No, no, no. I can hear you. I just wanted to make sure you could hear you.”

Brilliant. How many times do we speak without really hearing what we’re saying? We’ve all been there. We think what we say is the funniest, most intelligent, most supportive, most whatever thing we’ve ever said…and it’s hot garbage.

This is your reminder to listen more than you speak, ask questions, and make sure you can hear you.

Can you hear you? Awesome reminder to think more than you speak.

(And if you’re interested, here’s a Google search for the episode. Find a YouTube video that looks good and go to town.)

 

Freeing the funk

After writing about my epic Gilmore-Girl-style breakdown, I’ve been trying to pull myself out of another funk. I said in that post that I didn’t have any answers for you if you’re going through it as well, but guess what? I have answers. They may not be full answers, but at least they’re getting somewhere.

Here are two things that helped me.

Magic spells

The idea of magic spells comes from Molly Mahar. She has a section each year in her Holiday Council sheets that asks you to figure out magic spells for when something isn’t going right. This isn’t the first time I’m hearing this. Nicole Antoinette has mentioned in her podcasts that she wrote a “Care and Keeping of Nicole” guide as a way to help pull her out of a depression. You can also think about it like an IFTTT (If This Then That) recipe if you prefer a more digital example.

No matter how you look at it, it’s important to recognize where things go wrong before you get into a bad headspace because only you truly know what support you need. It seems like something you should just know, but when you get into that funk, sometimes we’re blind to what’s right in front of us. Having a guide, spell, or recipe to follow is a natural step when you just don’t know what to do: when I feel like Y, do Z. It’s written down. So do it. Because there’s nothing else to do. And you know it helps.

Strength in numbers

#squadgoals exists for a reason. Trust me, working from home can make it harder to pull yourself out of a funk because you can retreat so far inward and no one is really there to notice, so long as you’re maintaining day-to-day status. I have to send out a huge thank you to my gang for pulling me up.

If you can, find the ass-kicker, the practical one, the nurturer, the comic. All of these roles are so helpful when you need a mirror to reflect your good qualities and get you back on track. You may not have four people to surround you. Maybe these roles are filled by one person at different times. Or maybe you have an army of ass-kickers with their own unique flavor. Whatever works for you, just don’t retreat.

The biggest thing I can say is to try your very hardest to see when you’re spiraling down and catch yourself or, even more important, tell someone that it’s happening and let them help you.

What helps you recover when you’re feeling funky?

What if today, we were just grateful for everything_ - Charles Schulz

Change

Every single cell in your body regenerates every seven years. You are constantly a new person, even if you don’t realize it. So if you say you never change, you’re lying. You are in a constant state of change.

“Every single cell in the human body replaces itself over a period of seven years. That means there's not even the smallest part of you now that was part of you seven years ago.” - Steven Hall. We are in a constant state of change.

Change is constant. How we experience change, that is up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it. It can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment, we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment we can be born all over again.

-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

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