I’m not an expert about love and relationships, but I’ve crashed and burned enough to know what works for me.  And what I know is that love means you want to be with someone more than you need to be with them.

Does that make sense?

Jonathan and I were talking about this the other day and I don’t think I explained it properly to him (sorry, dear).  So I thought I’d elaborate.

Yes, I would be absolutely devastated and fall into a pile of mush if something happened to us.  It would take a long time to get back up and go on with my life, but eventually it would have to happen.

I know this because I’ve been there before.  The reason why I was there before is because I wanted to be in a relationship more than I wanted to be with the person.  I needed to have that comfort of knowing I was in a pair because I wasn’t okay with being just me.

And then (obviously) that ended and I was alone again.  And it was like, who am I?  What do I do with myself?  What do I like doing with my free time?  I don’t know how to be just me.

I know, it’s scary to just sit in a room alone with your thoughts, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.

So it took a while, but I learned how to be alone and I kind of liked it.  Then I started to go on dates because I wanted to date, not because I had to find my next relationship fix.

Guess what?  I learned what I liked and didn’t like and was okay passing on someone who didn’t fully work for me because I wasn’t focused on “must be a pair” anymore.  I could focus on, “Does this person complement me?”

In my relationship now, I want to be with him more than I need to have someone there with me all the time.  I found someone who complemented me for me.

Want and need are two totally different verbs.  Want is a choice.  It’s something that you decide to do/have/be.  I choose to be with this person.  Need is more situational.  I need water to live.

You don’t need a relationship to live.  That isn’t one of Maslow’s Basic Needs.  It’s actually more towards the middle of the pyramid.  Call me cold, but it’s true.  If I didn’t have Jonathan, I would be upset but I would live.  Physiologically, I could survive.

But I want to be with him more than I need to be with him.  And that’s how I know it’s love.

What does love mean to you?