Gardening in High Heels

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Five things that need to stop

Man it feels like it’s been a long week.  I blame the standing desk that I’ve been using at work.  It’s exhausting to be on your feet for the better part of the day.  It also makes me so hungry.  I eat something good for breakfast like chia pudding and a glass of Instant Breakfast mixed with almond milk and I’m ravenous at 10a.

I get unusually snarky when I’m in a mood, so let me entertain you with my list of things that need to stop this week.

Five things that just need to stop this week

Ridiculous drivers

During my lunch break the other day, I had to drop off documents for taxes and I had to drive there.  On my way back, I witnessed so much bad driving in the space of 10 minutes.

I was sitting in the left-turn lane at the “Stop here” line.  Some jaggo in an Audi decided he didn’t want to wait in line (or he just changed his mind) and he used the right-turn lane to cut in front of me and turn left.  It wasn’t like I wasn’t paying attention or being jerk, I was stopped legally!

Then a bus decided that he didn’t want to wait for the light to turn green before proceeding across the intersection and just went for it when no cars were coming.

This is seriously one of my biggest pet peeves, so I’ve written about it before.

Nasty people

As an introvert, I can only handle so many interactions per day.  When someone is nasty, that depletes my stores of patience at a very rapid rate.  People who think they are the shiz or they are entitled to have everything their way..ugh.

There is no reason for me to help you if you’re mean to me, make snide comments, or assume you’re entitled.

Self-centered people

This is a special group of nasty people.  Much like drivers who are just menaces on the road, most of them assume wherever they are going is the most important and everyone else can wait behind them.

There’s nothing like the person who cut in front of me to make a left-hand turn.  Yes, sir, you are more important than me.  I’m glad you missed that day in kindergarten when we were taught to wait our turn.

Also, my name is Angelica, not Angela, Angelina, Ange-mumble-mumble.  Nothing smacks of being self-centered like calling me by the wrong name for our entire interaction.

Cold

Ugh.  I’m sure we’re all sick of hearing everyone complain about the cold, but really.  I’m fine with snow (because usually that means it’s about 32 degrees), but the negative 10 degree nonsense just needs to stop.

Talking about 50 Shades of Grey

Yep, I read the books.  I will fully admit that I got sucked in.  Everyone at work was reading it (and then we all jumped off a bridge together!) so I borrowed the first book from a co-worker and it was just a train-wreck.  I couldn’t stop!

But that doesn’t meant I want to sit through a 90 minute live-action version of it.  Call me crazy, but a watered-down-R-rated version of soccer mom porn just doesn’t sound like something I want to spend my money on.

What’s on your list of things that just need to stop?

I am woman, hear me say no

I have a disease.  It’s called being a woman.  Now don’t get your tomatoes out just yet!  Hear me out.

I understand I’m painting in broad strokes, but it seems like many women have a hard time saying no.  There are shelves of books dedicated to telling us “We are enough,” and, “It’s okay to say no.”  There are blogs and articles and coaches telling us that it’s okay and actually good for us to limit ourselves.

Saying yes to things you don’t want to do robs you of the money, time, and energy that you would be using to do something worthwhile and meaningful to you, something you actually want to do that would make you feel better, more accomplished, or happier.

I don’t know about you, but I feel obligated to jump on every response, every email, every time someone calls on me the second they call on me.  It results in me being tired, burned out, resentful, and already feeling like I’m breaking my resolution of focus and connect just one month in to 2015.

Pair that obligation with having such a hard time accepting help.  I’m always so surprised when people want to help.  I don’t know if I have a chip on my shoulder about being “the responsible one” or “the one who does her job,” but it’s very difficult for me to let someone take control.

I think I see it as a sign of weakness.  We’re all so concerned about doing as much as possible that relinquishing control, in my mind, is admitting defeat.

Saying that I can’t do it all is saying I’m failing at doing something.  And I don’t fail.

I feel like that is amplified by being a woman.  I work all day, take care of the house, have a side hustle, blog, and am also supposed to have time to work out, eat, sleep, catch up on Scorpion… Impossible!

Because I am not an expert at saying no (it’s something I recognize a need for), I think I could use a little practice.

I’m issuing myself, and you, a challenge.  Say “no” to something today.  How!?  Well, take inspiration from this Levo article.

I love this line:

Saying yes to things you don’t want to do robs you of the money, time, and energy that you would be using to do something worthwhile and meaningful to you, something you actually want to do that would make you feel better, more accomplished, or happier.

So.  Spot.  On.

A few things that I would add:

Will saying yes help you work towards your goals or hurt you?

Really think through this.  Are you doing this because you think it might get you ahead or will it really help to further your goal/blog/career.  Are you doing this because you feel like it’ll make you look good or do you really want to do this?

Do you believe in what you are doing?

Like Michele mentioned in her Levo article, if you heart isn’t in it, don’t do it.  People can tell you’re faking and I’d venture to say you probably won’t enjoy it.

In the case of a product recommendation, if you don’t genuinely believe it, why are you talking about it?  Would you trust someone who wasn’t genuine?  Then why should your readers trust you if you’re not being honest.

And then focus on how you feel

Do you feel good saying no? I’m sure it’s scary, but do you feel freedom to explore other areas or are you just feeling guilty for turning down something?

I may not know a lot, but I do know that your gut will know what the right decision is.

Right, back to the challenge.  Do it today, then try it tomorrow, the next day.  Even if it’s just small things like, “No, I won’t make an extra trip to Target this week, I’ll pick up your (insert thing here) when I go back next week.”

Are you going to join me on my journey to say no?  No excuses, now!

Five Valentine’s Day date ideas (And 5 in Pittsburgh!)

There’s nothing like the excitement of a mystery date, especially on Valentine’s Day.  But, there’s also nothing like having no clue what you’re going to do on Valentine’s Day

In the interest of love this week, let’s talk date ideas.  Jonathan does a great job of finding fun things to do and I’m told he already has something brewing for this year (darling, just tell me to wear).  In case you aren’t so lucky and are scrambling for something to do for the big day, these ideas should translate to almost anywhere.

Five date ideas for Valentine's Day (or anytime!)

If you’re in Pittsburgh, then you’re extra lucky because I have specific events happening in the ‘Burgh on or around Valentine’s Day!

Have a Fancy-pants Dinner

I never get to dress up anymore.  I’m thrilled to be able to wear jeans and Converse sneakers to work if I want to, but I do miss getting a little more dressy.  Dressing up is pretty much now reserved for weddings.

Take a look and see if your favorite restaurant is having a formal dinner and get get on those reservations, like, yesterday.

In Pittsburgh…

There are tons of special dinners, but this one at uber-popular Brew Gentlemen will be out of tickets fast.

Day Drink

As my drinking partner in crime for my guest posts over at PCBN, we have shared many, many beers together.  Since Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday, why not take advantage of that and do a little day drinking?  Wineries are great for this, but some of my favorite Saturdays together with Jonathan have been at breweries.

You get to learn something (how beer is made) and taste it.  Then bring home growlers/bottles of your favorites.  Bonus: breweries have their beer on tap.  You couldn’t get fresher beer if you jumped into the barrel.

In Pittsburgh…

There are tons of breweries and wineries sprinkled around.  And we’ve had great times at every one we’ve visited.

I also love stopping by Wigle Whiskey.  Their tour tickets are sold out for Valentine’s Day, but you can still taste.  There’s also a Cupid’s Cocktail Class on Friday, February 13th!

Get Creative

This is probably my favorite, next to day drinking (I’m young and have a disposable income, sue me!)  Jonathan and I have done some great creative things together and I love it because you have the memory of the time together, but then you also something to take home with you as a memento.

We’ve made glass tiles, painted (okay, it was a room in my house and technically not a date, but it was still creative!), and hopefully will continue to get creative.  There is no judgement from either of us so it really helps to foster the romantical connection.

In Pittsburgh…

Make flowers for your valentine at Pittsburgh Glass Center or get hands-on at TechShop and etch a wine glass (and then drink wine out of it with a wine/chocolate pairing!) or make plasma-cut flowers.

Do Something Nerdy

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m a huge nerd.  And I love museums.  There’s a thing in Pittsburgh every fall called RADical Days where museums (and the Pittsburgh Zoo and the National Aviary and….) offer free admission on select days.  Yes, we have gone to five museums in a day because free admission!

Take a look in your city for half off admission nights, deals, or community-sponsored admission programs.

In Pittsburgh…

The Warhol Museum is my favorite.  Every Friday night, they do Good Fridays and offer half off admission and late hours (5-10p).

Fun fact: my grammy rode the bus with Andy Warhol when he was still Andrew Warhola.

Go for Adults Only

Come on, not like that!  A 21+ night is a great way to explore somewhere that you only know from a kid’s perspective (or maybe you avoid a certain places because of all of the children running around.)

I love the 21+ nights at the Carnegie Science Center and we’ve also gone to Phipps when they’ve had one of their nights as well.  It’s definitely a cool vibe and things look totally different in the dark.  There are Chihuly pieces all over Phipps but I never noticed them as much as I did at night!

In Pittsburgh…

Have some adult beverages and then enjoy a late night skate.

The Carnegie Science Center, Phipps Conservatory, The Children’s Museum, and I think the National Aviary have 21+ nights.  Explore the museum, look at the plants, make something and do it all while enjoyed a cocktail.

Bonus: Find Live Entertainment

Support your local cultural society.  A concert, musical, play, mystery dinner…always great date ideas.  Pittsburgh Winery also lets you taste their full flight of wine and they have live music on the weekends, so you can get a two-fer here!

If you’re still looking for something to do, check out your local event pages.  Shout out to Yelp for having a great events board.  Yes, I was an intern for Yelp in Pittsburgh.  Yes, I stocked up our event board every week.  Yes, you should check out Yelp for your local city.  </PSA on Yelp>

What are you doing on Valentine’s Day?  Do you have a date or are you celebrating Galentine’s Day?

A few words about love

I’m not an expert about love and relationships, but I’ve crashed and burned enough to know what works for me.  And what I know is that love means you want to be with someone more than you need to be with them.

Does that make sense?

Love means you want to be with someone more than you need to be with someone

Jonathan and I were talking about this the other day and I don’t think I explained it properly to him (sorry, dear).  So I thought I’d elaborate.

Yes, I would be absolutely devastated and fall into a pile of mush if something happened to us.  It would take a long time to get back up and go on with my life, but eventually it would have to happen.

I know this because I’ve been there before.  The reason why I was there before is because I wanted to be in a relationship more than I wanted to be with the person.  I needed to have that comfort of knowing I was in a pair because I wasn’t okay with being just me.

And then (obviously) that ended and I was alone again.  And it was like, who am I?  What do I do with myself?  What do I like doing with my free time?  I don’t know how to be just me.

I know, it’s scary to just sit in a room alone with your thoughts, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.

So it took a while, but I learned how to be alone and I kind of liked it.  Then I started to go on dates because I wanted to date, not because I had to find my next relationship fix.

Guess what?  I learned what I liked and didn’t like and was okay passing on someone who didn’t fully work for me because I wasn’t focused on “must be a pair” anymore.  I could focus on, “Does this person complement me?”

In my relationship now, I want to be with him more than I need to have someone there with me all the time.  I found someone who complemented me for me.

Want and need are two totally different verbs.  Want is a choice.  It’s something that you decide to do/have/be.  I choose to be with this person.  Need is more situational.  I need water to live.

You don’t need a relationship to live.  That isn’t one of Maslow’s Basic Needs.  It’s actually more towards the middle of the pyramid.  Call me cold, but it’s true.  If I didn’t have Jonathan, I would be upset but I would live.  Physiologically, I could survive.

But I want to be with him more than I need to be with him.  And that’s how I know it’s love.

What does love mean to you?

 

Five things that need to stop in reality shows

I’m not a huge TV watcher.  When I come home from work, I’m either working on freelance, developing things for this blog, feeling guilty for not more frequently guest posting for PghCBN, or trying to give my eyes a break from screens.

Long story short, when I do actually watch TV, it’s usually some dumb zone-out reality show.  I know, they are total trash, but I really just want to not think about my job and responsibilities and get absorbed in someone else’s life for 45 minutes.

I fully buy in to competition reality shows.  I love seeing deserving people win $10,000 for putting together an edible meal made with pickled chicken parts, gummy worms, and some weird looking squash.  And then Vanderpump Rules because omg the drama.  And the clothes.  And the drama.

Five cliches that need to stop happening in reality shows

But I still love to make fun of this trash that advertisers support knowing that we’ll overlook some of these cliches.

Why are you crying?

If I were on a competition show, my nerves would be shot, too.  When I’m maxed out, I tend to break down and have myself a good cry.  But I prefer to do that alone.  Sometimes Jonathan sees it.

I don’t want someone who is judging me to see me cry, though.  If I can’t keep it together while I’m baking cupcakes or something, why would Gordon Ramsay trust me with his restaurant?  Maybe going on a competition reality show isn’t the most mentally sound decision someone should make this week.

We can tell he’s only dating you because you’re on TV, why can’t you?

So you’re sitting around, bummed that you can’t get a date.  You’re pretty, intelligent, and miraculously into sports.

“I know!” you exclaim.  “I’ll go on a reality show to find quality men and the prize will be a lifetime together with me!”

Oh sweetie, oh honey, no.  What is wrong with you that you need to go on a reality show to find the love of your life?  Haven’t you seen the tabloids?!  The last 10 of you already tried that and the guy either cheated or they got divorced.

Maybe that was a little harsh, but really.

Yes, we all are here to win.

The cliches of, “I’m here to win!” and, “I know I rocked that round” are just obnoxious filler.  Of course you’re here to win!  No one says, “I’m here to lose.  I’m just happy I made it here.”

You’re running around the world to win a million dollars.  Of course you’re not putting yourself through that without the end goal of winning a million dollars!

Plus, the people who say, “I made the best dish in that round” are clearly jinxing themselves.

We know you got that job because you’re on TV.

I’m sure you’re a great writer and you’re qualified to write a makeup series simply because your bathroom looks like a new Sephora location.  But I know just as well as everyone else that the only reason why that blog will pay you to write is so you’ll talk about it on your cable TV show and drive traffic to their site.

Clever PR move.  Kudos!

The really drunk girl.

I understand you need to drink to cope, but why oh why are you letting yourself get this horrifically, embarrassingly drunk?  You are on national TV!

Not only are you glorifying black-out-drunk drinking, you’re making yourself look really stupid.  I’m sure your new blog contact is so thrilled that you’re representing them.

What reality show cliches would you add to this list?

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