I have spent the better part of the summer putting together IKEA furniture and the process is the same no matter what. It’s long and painful and never really gets any easier the more you do it. It’s almost like the Five Stages of Grief, but with more crying and throwing things.
Yeah, alright, I have new furniture! I’ll refresh my look and it’ll be so affordable. I may even do one of those Apartment Therapy IKEA hacks. And I got this fun organizer, and these plates, and a funky Euro print, too, and it was all in one place. One-stop home furnishings shopping. I love this place and I’m never leaving. I’m so urban and hip, I can’t stand myself.
Wait a minute, that cost how much?? But I just got some dog-butt hooks and a night stand! Also how do these Swedish people transport this stuff? Are they ridiculously strong and carry it home on their backs? Because this defintely isn’t fitting in my car and aren’t European cars even smaller?
Why do I have 50 little screws and only 10 holes? Do I have to make my own? Am I being punked? This can’t be right, can it??
And what’s this diagram showing me? Not to climb on the bookshelf? No kidding! How about I also don’t take my new desk lamp into the bath with me.
I give up. I’m going to lay here like Sadness until Joy drags my away by my foot because I am done and this is stupid and I’m stupid because I can’t figure out why this little line drawing looks so happy and I just want to jump into a bath with my desk lamp plugged in.
Fine. I’ll keep building because it’s better than figuring out how to get it back to the store half-built. Also, I don’t want to go to the 7th circle of hell ever again. So I’ll just stay right here. Pouting.
It is done. Someone get me a coffee the size of my head and follow it up with a stiff drink. I need to forget that experience ever happened. I am never doing that again. Oooh mail’s here, look at the new catalog! I want this..and this..
I swear, if you want to get married to someone, put together IKEA furniture first. If you successfully build it will all the parts and don’t want to rip each others’ head off, congrats. You should get married. You could also probably raise kids together as well or at least care for a very large dog.
I think I’m going to lay off the IKEA furniture for a while.