I have a disease. It’s called being a woman. Now don’t get your tomatoes out just yet! Hear me out.
I understand I’m painting in broad strokes, but it seems like many women have a hard time saying no. There are shelves of books dedicated to telling us “We are enough,” and, “It’s okay to say no.” There are blogs and articles and coaches telling us that it’s okay and actually good for us to limit ourselves.
I don’t know about you, but I feel obligated to jump on every response, every email, every time someone calls on me the second they call on me. It results in me being tired, burned out, resentful, and already feeling like I’m breaking my resolution of focus and connect just one month in to 2015.
Pair that obligation with having such a hard time accepting help. I’m always so surprised when people want to help. I don’t know if I have a chip on my shoulder about being “the responsible one” or “the one who does her job,” but it’s very difficult for me to let someone take control.
I think I see it as a sign of weakness. We’re all so concerned about doing as much as possible that relinquishing control, in my mind, is admitting defeat.
Saying that I can’t do it all is saying I’m failing at doing something. And I don’t fail.
I feel like that is amplified by being a woman. I work all day, take care of the house, have a side hustle, blog, and am also supposed to have time to work out, eat, sleep, catch up on Scorpion… Impossible!
Because I am not an expert at saying no (it’s something I recognize a need for), I think I could use a little practice.
I’m issuing myself, and you, a challenge. Say “no” to something today. How!? Well, take inspiration from this Levo article.
I love this line:
Saying yes to things you don’t want to do robs you of the money, time, and energy that you would be using to do something worthwhile and meaningful to you, something you actually want to do that would make you feel better, more accomplished, or happier.
So. Spot. On.
A few things that I would add:
Will saying yes help you work towards your goals or hurt you?
Really think through this. Are you doing this because you think it might get you ahead or will it really help to further your goal/blog/career. Are you doing this because you feel like it’ll make you look good or do you really want to do this?
Do you believe in what you are doing?
Like Michele mentioned in her Levo article, if you heart isn’t in it, don’t do it. People can tell you’re faking and I’d venture to say you probably won’t enjoy it.
In the case of a product recommendation, if you don’t genuinely believe it, why are you talking about it? Would you trust someone who wasn’t genuine? Then why should your readers trust you if you’re not being honest.
And then focus on how you feel
Do you feel good saying no? I’m sure it’s scary, but do you feel freedom to explore other areas or are you just feeling guilty for turning down something?
I may not know a lot, but I do know that your gut will know what the right decision is.
Right, back to the challenge. Do it today, then try it tomorrow, the next day. Even if it’s just small things like, “No, I won’t make an extra trip to Target this week, I’ll pick up your (insert thing here) when I go back next week.”